Dealing With Guilt

Oh yes, I definitely relate to the T personality on so many levels - page 213, entire second paragraph starting with "The nine-to-fivers are goodists....." - that is me! And page 217, all bullet points. Guilty as charged! I've underlined A LOT in those chapters and am studying it more slowly now. Instead of pushing myself through higher education. career, and athletics as I read about with so many TMS'ers, I'm more of the "underachiever" where I feel like I'm never good enough (even though you would never know since I put on such a great exterior......goodist, much?!) But - for the things that matter to me, I'm a complete perfectionist and have high expectations of others.

My brother was the 'good' kid. Made the good grades. All the adults loved little Billy. They loved me, too, but I took on the role of the rebel. Nobody was going to tell me what to do. My dad gave me a spanking when I was about 4 years old (no, not abuse - just a good ole fashioned spanking that I had coming!), and he spanked me and I turned around and glared up at him and defiantly said "THAT. DIDN'T. HURT!!!" (He knew he was going to have his hands full with this little girl!) So Billy got the good grades and I got the mediocre grades. He was obedient. I was defiant. But we got along beautifully - fought like siblings do, but always played together and had a good time. I looked up to him very much - which is funny because I was the cooler kid between the two of us. But I wanted to be like my dorky older brother and do everything that he did!

I appreciate the clarification on Chapter 19. I do see the subtle ideas in here and am going to ponder and meditate on it more fully now that I've finished the book. (I swear, it read like a novel - I couldn't put it down!)

I'm really excited with the progress I've made just since the weekend. It seems a tiny bit of pain is melting more and more each day. I kind of keep waiting for the "suddenly, in that moment, her pain immediately disappeared" - but it seems mine is more gradual. I'm forcing myself to get out of bed and walk almost 1/4 mile each day this week (my mini-goal). Each step feels like a knife cutting through me, but each day gets a little easier to make it. Each day I'm able to fight of the FEAR of the pain a little bit more. Yay!

Oh, and I love both cats and dogs. Just that my dog, Smeagle, photographs so much better than the cats. Or perhaps it's the divided mind after all.......

 

Smeagle is such an adorable-looking dog and I bet he is just plain adorable.

It's great that you're walking each day and fighting the fear of pain while walking.
It's not easy but brings great results, as many have posted in the forums.

My father gave my older brother and me a strap on the behind (with our pants on)
when we were really unruly. We knew we deserved it.

 

Hi Walt - yes, Smeagle is a complete and absolute joy to have as part of our family! You should see him swim in the pool - he absolutely loves it and will swim for hours if we let him!

Regarding walking - I feel like I'm using Advil as a placebo/crutch at this point. It helps with the pain and gives me confidence, thus making it possible to make it through the walk. Last night I tried the walk without having taking any Advil and found that I struggled through (but was still able to make it). So - do I stop taking Advil and let the fears come on stronger and maybe slow down the healing time? Or do I keep taking it while I build up confidence until I'm feeling strong and capable, and then wean myself off of it? Thoughts?

Regarding spankings: I don't have kids of my own, but I truly believe that every child should be spanked, if for no other reason than that it gives us some great stories to share as adults!! I have some good ones to tell. I got spankings (given with love!) and I deserved almost all of them - you know, except for the ones that my brother blamed on me for doing something wrong when it was really his fault. But that's okay - I got him back from time to time! haha!

 

For you, Walt. Smeagle as a puppy.

 

So what's not to love! Smeagle is just a sweetie.

I think it's okay to keep using Advil even though pure Sarno TMS says it's a "crutch."
In fact, I have had a recurrence of some back pain when I walk, so I'm going to take an Advil.
I used to take an Advil for any pain I felt (before I learned about TMS) and no matter what or where
I had the pain, it eased up or went away. I consider Advil a miracle, even if it is a drug (medication).

I want to keep walking and walk farther, for general good health and spirit, so I will start
taking an Advil before walking outside any distance. Neighbors both take 2 Advil before walking
their dog. Some others take Tylenol, but I prefer Advil.

I tried toughing it out without taking an Advil before a walk outside, but now I will give Advil a chance.

Heck, we're not the only ones with back pain when we walk, and they sell a lot of both Advil and Tylenol.

 

Thanks for the feedback, Walt.
It seems like I start to build up confidence and will be feeling really positive and like I'm going to get through this, but then I start to wean myself off the Advil (too early, perhaps) and start to feel fear of the pain setting in because the pain is "worse" than it was without having taken the Advil. I'm not an addictive person at all, and would much rather not take any meds at all. So hopefully I'll get there and just take it one step at a time. I'm just trying to get out of bed at this point and be able to live a somewhat normal life once again!!

 

Hi, Tigerlilly and Smeagle,

Whatever it takes. Don't wean yourself off Advil yet. Do it slowly. You need it.
Meanwhile, keep thinking it's from repressed emotions.

You're getting better every day. I use the mantra:
"Every day in every way I'm getting better and better."
Its helped me through some rough times.

 

What works well for me with guilt and other emotions is Emotional Freedom Technique.(EFT). Easy instructions can be found on the internet or you can go to a professional EFT practitioner. I personally do it myself and it takes me about 30-40 minutes to eliminate each major issue. Less serious issues release more quickly. I've found EFT to be very fast and effective.