Day two

I really liked and identified with the article by Kim Ruby...and decided to take on board the advice to resume normal activity. So, i have been sitting down for longer than 20 minutes. Weirdly, some places are easier to sit in than others...i had coffee with my husband no problem in the coffee shop, but the work computer...owie. I also tried to see if I could talk to my brain last night, and my hip pain went away...it took 40 minutes, but it worked. i then went on a usual walk with my husband...4 miles round trip....my back complained a little, but I did it! My main fears right now are being back in shape for the start of term in a couple months...i am a university lecturer, and being able to fulfil my obligations. Getting rid of this fear, and getting rid of the fear of pain returning are real bugbears. I also am coming to terms with the rather impossible demands being placed upon me when I start the new school year and worried about my physical capacity to meet them. Comments appreciated

 

You seem a classical TMS personality! Worried about fulfilling obligations and stressing and worrying about them. You may need to either talk to your employers if you feel over-burdened, or change job. If you find either of these options impossible then you have to find a way of dealing with the situation without causing yourself pain. Often we will not do anything because we feel it is not an option - but if we end up so ill we have to give up working - we would of been better trying to alter the situation earlier! I know it can be really difficult with employers etc but your health and peace of mind really needs to come first. Can you talk it all out with your husband or a friend to get other viewpoints and possible solutions?
I worked extremely part-time as a uni lecturer and the pressure put on staff was awful .It led to the uni losing all the best staff (including me!) and the students got a worse deal. But on the flipside I am still in contact with many students and feel appreciated by them. The trouble is that appreciation does not put food on the table!
I hope you figure out a way of progressing that allows you to thrive.

 

My husband told me we could get by if I did not work...ideally, I would like to be part time for a term and ease in, and I suppose I need to speak to my new head of school about it. The bullying of staff has been unbelievable.I have been ill since April and just now climbing out of it...it has been awful, but the pain free days are more and more frequent...wow, do I have a lot of anger inside.

 

Yeah me too! I tried a book about anger (Facing the Fire) which was interesting - but it did not suit me bashing my mattress with a tennis racquet! I just got a sore throat... Then I found a great book on TMS by an American guy (I cannot remember his name and I gave the book away) which also had a 'programme' for dealing with TMS in it - part of that was dealing with anger. Basically it was going into a meditational state and bringing a situation to mind that had angered me in the past. Then you would 'imagine' hitting/shooting/slapping (whatever felt appropriate!) the person who angered you. Well - I thought it was awful at first - the 'goodist' nice me felt bad doing it even in private in my head! But I persevered and it worked. I had to go through just about every situation in my life that had angered/enraged me - and believe me - it took months! I started with one or two things each day, then progressed to four or five at a time. It totally emptied me of all the stored up rage that I had carried around. I now deal with stuff as soon as people upset/anger me. Either directly with them - or by finding a way to sidestep or remove myself from the offending situation. I am such a nicer person because of it! I will never let it build up again like that - no wonder I was ill!!
So find a way to vent it all - you will feel so much better for it!!!
ps having a supportive husband is like finding the crock of gold at the end of the rainbow (which doesn't mean they don't p*** you off sometimes!)