So, today I walked 4.5 miles with my husband, but probably monitored my lower back and hip too much. I realised though my worst fear of exercise had to do with bending down, and doing what I love...gardening. So I gave it a go and weeded my veg patch (which was a disgrace) for an hour....A-OK, though I was anxious about it. It felt good to kneel down and work, though I was ant stung...no biggie. My back pain lifted...just melted away. Wow. I suppose after a couple months of no bending down or kneeling, those poor muscles were stiff as heck no? Relief! As far as the things that are past events...well, my brother cheated me out of my inheritance from my dad, and I have not spoken to him for five years...I would have to sue him, and as I am abroad, it makes it difficult. i also am cut off my my only niece and nephew, and that is hard as I do not have kids. My husband has encouraged me throughout the years to go for it, as has an attorney who thinks it is an open and shut case. I thought it was sad my brother cared more about money, as he is fairly wealthy small business owner anyhow, and regards what I do for a living ...academics....with contempt, and has belittled me too. Reopening these feelings has been pretty awful. I am realising how much bad treatment I have put up with for a long time.