Margot!!
Newcomer
The importance of exploring your childhood was a great read as was the new yorker article. I feel more hopeful today. I discovered that I carry ALOT of guilt and shame over alot of things that are not my responsibility. I'm also Anxious more than I would like to admit. Im a silent sufferer... I look fine on the outside but usually ruminating on something out of my control. I used to suffer from vasal vagal syncope brought on by the unacknowledged stress I endured. Passing out on Mass ave in Boston after a concert is not ideal. By the time I realize I'm ruminating some kind of physical manifestation comes, for the longest time the only physical manifestation of anxiety I was aware of was nausea since the fainting subsided. Now I know the pain is also a result of this unconscious rumination. WIN #1!!! GO ME
Bedtime is hard for me, last night I spent time unpacking my fear and anxiety around pain during sleep and not feeling rested. I slept through the night, only woke up once to pee and felt rested when I got up. Second hurdle, Mornings are hard, with in 10 mins of being awake and moving around I'm in so much pain I am in tears. This morning, I started investigating the anxiety and fear before I got out of bed. I asked my body to increase the bloodflow and oxygen to my muscles and I started my day... When the tension started I said "I am in control of my body. I acknowledged the anxiety and fear of being in pain. I said, Body increase oxygen to my quads, hamstrings and low back" and continued with my morning routine. In few minutes i realized that I HAD NO PAIN in the normal places. I thanked my body for listening to me. This was beyond encouraging.
As I moved on with my routine, I addressed each anxiety and fear and continued to be instructive with my body, telling it to send more oxygen when the tension started. my morning was great! I could use a nap after that mental work out AND Ill take this kind of tired over the pain any day!! WIN #2!! GO ME
The physical activity question was interesting, its been about 3 weeks since I exerted myself physically, more than short walks and gentle yoga flow. I went on a short hike with my bestie and our partners to a cool magical little spot in the woods near a river. It was beautiful, but I struggled to enjoy it because pain was awful. Sitting standing walking all of it hurt. I was angry that I couldn't enjoy the woods, water and frolic with my friends. My inner little girl was so mad we couldn't play. I sat in pain miserable trying so hard to enjoy the clouds or anything... I was really really low, so sad. This weekend I am buying a bike! one step toward reclaiming my health and maybe Ill go back to the spot in the woods for a do over.
Bedtime is hard for me, last night I spent time unpacking my fear and anxiety around pain during sleep and not feeling rested. I slept through the night, only woke up once to pee and felt rested when I got up. Second hurdle, Mornings are hard, with in 10 mins of being awake and moving around I'm in so much pain I am in tears. This morning, I started investigating the anxiety and fear before I got out of bed. I asked my body to increase the bloodflow and oxygen to my muscles and I started my day... When the tension started I said "I am in control of my body. I acknowledged the anxiety and fear of being in pain. I said, Body increase oxygen to my quads, hamstrings and low back" and continued with my morning routine. In few minutes i realized that I HAD NO PAIN in the normal places. I thanked my body for listening to me. This was beyond encouraging.
As I moved on with my routine, I addressed each anxiety and fear and continued to be instructive with my body, telling it to send more oxygen when the tension started. my morning was great! I could use a nap after that mental work out AND Ill take this kind of tired over the pain any day!! WIN #2!! GO ME
The physical activity question was interesting, its been about 3 weeks since I exerted myself physically, more than short walks and gentle yoga flow. I went on a short hike with my bestie and our partners to a cool magical little spot in the woods near a river. It was beautiful, but I struggled to enjoy it because pain was awful. Sitting standing walking all of it hurt. I was angry that I couldn't enjoy the woods, water and frolic with my friends. My inner little girl was so mad we couldn't play. I sat in pain miserable trying so hard to enjoy the clouds or anything... I was really really low, so sad. This weekend I am buying a bike! one step toward reclaiming my health and maybe Ill go back to the spot in the woods for a do over.
