Day six

I just finished doing the meditation. I sat outside and could hear the birds and wind. I noticed that even after I thought I had completely relaxed parts of my head, I could still feel tension in my jaw and neck. As I went down The rest of my body, I could still feel areas that were tight. It took a long time to let go. I'm feeling extra anxiety today because I'm going on my first trip since the pain started last October. I'm visiting my brother, and I'm nervous about being awake most the night in pain. I have to walk around and stretch most of the night. I even had a dream the other night that I was already there, and everyone in the house was up with insomnia. Even last night, I felt more pain, probably because of my apprehension about going on a trip. I'm going to have to do an extended amount of sitting in planes and cars. I know I need to keep telling myself it's okay to sit, that there is nothing structurally wrong with me and sitting is not bad for your body. On a sidenote, I noticed when doing the journal writing, and I was writing about my childhood, I started to feel real anger and even yelled.

 

Hi, Reddi2bbetter.

You are doing great in the SEP and with TMS. Journaling can be very helpful when it takes us back to our childhood. It can cause us to be angry and there's nothing wrong about yelling. It means you are letting the steam out of your mental pressure cooker. Just don't spend a lot of time each day on journaling and reflecting on the past. No more than half an hour, so you don't get depressed.

Try to stay as positive about your upcoming visit to your brother. Maybe your apprehension about that has to do with him. Some of my journaling was
about my older brother beating up on me and several times I could have died from his abuse. In journaling I realized he resented having to look after my sister and me when he was just a few years older than we were, and he wanted to be out playing with his pals. I was then able to forgive him and forgivign helped end the severe back pain I felt.

I hope you can look forward to the visit with your brother and think of it as being a good thing.