Day one

Just finished Day One of Structured Education Programme.

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I heard about TMS about a year ago but I'm still amazed at the recovery of people with TMS after years of going from one consultant to another! I have also been watching Dan Buglio daily videos and have read his book. I thought the TMS route would be impossible for me to implement and asking myself how on earth can this work. So I was kind of one foot in, one foot out.

Since 2020 I've had diagnoses of interstitial cystitis, pelvic floor dysfunction, now I have pudendal neuralgia. I've been off work for the last 3 months. I actually started a thread about fear of return to work. On my first day I was having usual pain sitting and walking about but I had such a lovely welcome back so I felt mentally improved. Then I had a day off where I did a short walk. I had some pain but I got home and it subsided. Yesterday I walked to work (about an hour) then walked back (a bit longer). We had biblical type weather here in London. Hailstones, thunder, heavy rain!. But when I got home I actually sat upright - no pain. I did have a feeling of having a pineapple stuck up me, but this was doable and it didn't worry me. But for last 3 months I went the A1 route and practically everyday I posted in desperation. I was informed that if I started to hurt while out I had to come back home and I may have a rebound because this is what happens with PN. I was also informed it may take a year to get back to 100%. I thought I'd never get out and walk again. Since February I've hardly been out. I also told myself that about three years ago I had a period of about a year and a half relatively pain free. I think my symptoms increased due to my mother having to go in a care home and I started a job in care that I really didn't like and I was in high anxiety.

I have also felt immense guilt all my life about things I have done wrong and people I have hurt or wrong decision making. I kept being told to move on and these are things in the past but I can't help it. And just recently when I think of things I regret I get terrible anxiety. I've had therapy with this but it doesn't work for me. Am I right in thinking that this is part of TMS?

 

Huge! Well done

Definitely, I could make a case that guilt is the most at play feeling/emotion when it comes to TMS (especially as it relates to guilt around emotions - which is often the reason we feel guilty for past things, in addition to the actions themselves).

 

I'm guessing you were posting on the 'pudendal hope' forum or as I like to call it 'pudendal no hope'! Suggest that you read Ezer's postings (who used to be a moderator on that site) regarding his mind-body recovery from symptoms that were labelled as being pudendal neuralgia when they were actually mind-body/TMS https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/pelvic-pain-healed.8680/ (Pelvic Pain - Healed) (Pelvic Pain - Healed).

Anxiety, guilt and your difficulty with “moving on” fits with the mind-body/TMS picture. TMS-ers have traits like chronic worry, self-criticism, perfectionism, people-pleasing and/or carrying guilt and responsibility very deeply. And anxiety at its core is fear — a nervous system constantly scanning for danger, threat or “what ifs”.

What also really points to mind-body/TMS in your story is how closely your symptoms increased during emotionally overwhelming periods — your mum going into care, starting a stressful job you hated, being in high anxiety — and then recently improving when your mood and fear levels shifted, despite actually doing more physically.

Walking to and from work in terrible weather and then being able to sit upright with much less pain doesn’t fit with the idea of a body that’s structurally damaged and getting worse from activity. It fits with a sensitised nervous system driven by fear and stress.

 

Thank you for replies.

Yes Adam i was quite proud of myself doing all that walking!
I went to bed actually smiling last night. I wasnt defeated today when i experienced some pain. I'm trying to think of it as annoying background noise.
I think i've been in constant fear from a very early age. I was a very nervous little girl. One of my first memories was moving from Birmingham to London at 8. So for those of you who know different English accents will know that moving to South London with a broad Birmingham accent can be a huge eye opener. And having a classroom full of pupils sniggering at you remains with you. Oh plus i had a squint which caused hilarity at the time.
Thank you for the link Blood Eagle. Very interesting.