Hi everyone, fist post. Starting the Educational Program today, which suggests a short post about my story and where I'm at in treatment. I don't know about short, but here goes:
I’ve had low back pain just over a year. About a week and a half ago began to seriously consider TMS the cause of my pain. I’ve seen multiple doctors and had X-rays and an MRI, so I can say that I've ruled out any serious condition. I have read Healing Back Pain and am now about halfway through The Divided Mind, and have also been perusing the forums as well.
So now, I thought I’d share some of my initial doubts and concerns.
1.My pain has gotten worse since my “self-diagnosis”. I understand the concepts of TMS, and was initially very committed to embracing the principles behind it (I stopped using lumbar supports and cancelled physical therapy, both big steps for me). However, I have not felt at any time since then that my pain has improved, and would even say it’s gotten worse, which to be honest has stirred up fears that am now hurting my back even further. Without a doctor or other professional to assure me that this is all part of the process, it's hard to remain committed.
2. I also can't stop visualizing and even feeling my back as curved lately. I had an x-ray showing mild scoliosis, and despite the insistence of Dr. Sarno on the lack of correlation with structural problems, I seem to be thinking about this even more now, maybe because I'm unable to accept that if I follow the TMS treatment, I'll never get that curve "fixed".
3.With physical treatments, I think I tend to have more patience, feeling like the structure of my back will get better a little at a time. Whereas with TMS, if knowledge is the cure, I tend to obsess about consuming as much knowledge as possible in order to obtain a faster cure. Because I want to be pain free (obviously), I find myself constantly thinking about the next time I can read another chapter in the book. I know patience is required here as well, but when I have bad days, and can’t rely on a physical treatments for hope or relief (even temporary), I don’t know what to do for relief and I struggle. I'm realizing I so badly wanted to be one of the "book cures" or have some major discovery about my past come up after talking to my therapist and parents. As someone who considers himself rather self-aware, I've been wondering what sort of emotions I could have possibly repressed. I also have a general question about the treatment (which I think I may be gaining some insight into, but thought I'd run by everyone anyway): what direction should our therapy take? If repressed emotions are part of our subconscious and can't be known, what exactly are we looking for?
4. Once I abandoned the idea of physical treatments, I started to feel a bit lonely in my struggle with the whole thing (and this despite talking to my girlfriend, family, and therapist about the treatment). I need someone knowledgeable about TMS to bounce ideas and questions off of- I guess that's where the forum comes in.
5.Often while sitting I experience an aching pain across my low back.This does go away at times and I believe is very related to stress and how much I think/worry about it. However, I also have a sharper, more specific pain that is located just to the left of my spine in the lumbar region. This pain I really notice if I bend forward or lean back too much. So this part of it seems much more mechanical to me, and harder to accept as TMS. So, while it's easy to accept that some of pain is TMS, it's much harder for me to believe that all of the pain is TMS.
Whew, that took awhile. Thanks if you read through it all and I appreciate any feedback!
I’ve had low back pain just over a year. About a week and a half ago began to seriously consider TMS the cause of my pain. I’ve seen multiple doctors and had X-rays and an MRI, so I can say that I've ruled out any serious condition. I have read Healing Back Pain and am now about halfway through The Divided Mind, and have also been perusing the forums as well.
So now, I thought I’d share some of my initial doubts and concerns.
1.My pain has gotten worse since my “self-diagnosis”. I understand the concepts of TMS, and was initially very committed to embracing the principles behind it (I stopped using lumbar supports and cancelled physical therapy, both big steps for me). However, I have not felt at any time since then that my pain has improved, and would even say it’s gotten worse, which to be honest has stirred up fears that am now hurting my back even further. Without a doctor or other professional to assure me that this is all part of the process, it's hard to remain committed.
2. I also can't stop visualizing and even feeling my back as curved lately. I had an x-ray showing mild scoliosis, and despite the insistence of Dr. Sarno on the lack of correlation with structural problems, I seem to be thinking about this even more now, maybe because I'm unable to accept that if I follow the TMS treatment, I'll never get that curve "fixed".
3.With physical treatments, I think I tend to have more patience, feeling like the structure of my back will get better a little at a time. Whereas with TMS, if knowledge is the cure, I tend to obsess about consuming as much knowledge as possible in order to obtain a faster cure. Because I want to be pain free (obviously), I find myself constantly thinking about the next time I can read another chapter in the book. I know patience is required here as well, but when I have bad days, and can’t rely on a physical treatments for hope or relief (even temporary), I don’t know what to do for relief and I struggle. I'm realizing I so badly wanted to be one of the "book cures" or have some major discovery about my past come up after talking to my therapist and parents. As someone who considers himself rather self-aware, I've been wondering what sort of emotions I could have possibly repressed. I also have a general question about the treatment (which I think I may be gaining some insight into, but thought I'd run by everyone anyway): what direction should our therapy take? If repressed emotions are part of our subconscious and can't be known, what exactly are we looking for?
4. Once I abandoned the idea of physical treatments, I started to feel a bit lonely in my struggle with the whole thing (and this despite talking to my girlfriend, family, and therapist about the treatment). I need someone knowledgeable about TMS to bounce ideas and questions off of- I guess that's where the forum comes in.
5.Often while sitting I experience an aching pain across my low back.This does go away at times and I believe is very related to stress and how much I think/worry about it. However, I also have a sharper, more specific pain that is located just to the left of my spine in the lumbar region. This pain I really notice if I bend forward or lean back too much. So this part of it seems much more mechanical to me, and harder to accept as TMS. So, while it's easy to accept that some of pain is TMS, it's much harder for me to believe that all of the pain is TMS.
Whew, that took awhile. Thanks if you read through it all and I appreciate any feedback!
Veronica