Day One: I'm pretty sure I have TMS. Working to get to I have TMS. I am a 37 mother of two sweet kiddos. I hurt my pelvis having my second baby 18 months ago and it took me 8 months of pelvic PT to get it fixed. Then I had 3 beautiful months of no pain. Gardening, hiking, swimming, travel, playing with my kids. I had lots of stress too: my son went through evaluations for developmental delays that made me super emotional and worried. Then bam: one day I picked up my baby and felt something "go" in my back. I was told it was the illiolumbar ligament. Then came the pain and "sciatica." And the fear of another injury and more pain. It's been six months since that last injury. I've been told I have a protrusion at L5-s1. But then told there is no nerve compression. I've been told I've have SI dysfunction, leg length discrepancy, inflammation, pelvic organ prolapse. I do not test for any of the typical sciatica tests. I was told I have weak glute muscles, a weak core. Even though I was just months before doing the butterfly in the pool. Last week I got prolotherapy shots on my pelvis to try to tighten ligaments I'm told are weak from child birth and my birth injury. And boy do those shots hurt and still hurt. One PT told me it would be years until I recover. I have cried and joined Facebook forums about SI joint issues and believed I may be permanently disabled. The back doctor told me not to bend, lift or twist. I have sat for more than 15 minutes or in the car. Fear is running my life. On Friday I decided I needed to stop reading anything negative about people in pain for ever or disabled by backs or SI joints. So I started googling success stories and found the TMS site. I actually read John Sarno's book months ago but didn't pursue it because I wasn't immediately cured reading the book. But now I think it's TMS. I have had two other TMS like issues: insomnia and heart palpitations. Both caused me considerable fear and depression for months until I realized there was nothing wrong with me. Once I believed there wasn't some horrible underlying heart condition or something causing me not to sleep, those conditions magically disappeared. I believe my pain is based in fear now. I'm afraid I'm disabled. I'm afraid the next time I pick up my baby I might break and be in pain for another year. I'm afraid I won't ever recover or be ok. I'm petrified. I'm only 37 and I worry I'll never backpack again. That I'll do something so simple like picking up a baby and be in pain. I've done traction and chiro and PT and egosque and everything and some things help a bit for awhile but not for long. I've tried swimming and felt great only for the pain to come back harder and worse hours later. So I've avoided swimming and bending and lifting and twisting. I believe this is TMS but then I wonder and worry. I was able to speak to roger last night and got some good advice and am going to follow it! Only positive affirmations. I am strong. My back is strong. My ankle is strong. I am healthy. My pain is less than three days ago when I was immersed in negative forums with women in pain for five years and getting SI fusions. My next steps are mediation, affirmations, confirming TMS, no more PT and slowly trusting my body as well as doing this program. Scared. But I am strong. I am safe. I am healthy. Also, my personality fits. I am a perfectionist. Hate dealing with feelings. I want to live again! I don't want to be afraid of lifting, bending, twisting!!!! I feel a bit like I'm a nut job! I keep saying I need help. I want to be "normal." Ugh. I wish I wasn't me sometimes. I seem to make things worse with my brain. Ok. Day one. Christmas Eve. I can do this. I am healthy. I am strong. My back is strong. Do I have TMS?