Day 9 - This B**ch in my head

Good Morning Fellow TMSers!

I am on day 9 and so excited to share something with you. The question and journaling activity at the bottom of day 9 is on point!

I have had a cold the past week, and the last two days I put the Structured Education Program on hold. I was exhausted when I got home from work. I just wanted to sleep.

I have been meditating though.

This morning I felt better and was getting ready to start my day when my thought train pulled into the brain station.

This is what the conductor said.

"You have missed two days already of your program...are you going to quit this like you do everything else?"

WHOA! I stopped what I was doing.

Who invited this B**ch to the party? Talk about self critic....This bully in my brain I was not even aware of! She is loud, rude, and has she limiting beliefs about me.

It might take a while to silence her completely. As far as today, I have already proven her theory about me wrong. Made up both days... take that inner B**ch.

How long has she been running her mouth in my head...?

Turned it around:

I love and accept myself exactly as I am. I am growing, learning, and finding a passion for this research.
I am grateful. I am full of excitement for this on a beautiful Sunday.

Happy Weekend to all of you wonderful humans!

Lauren

 

Hi Lauren,
This is an important, if not painful discovery!! The beauty is you are now beginning to address this bitch, who has always been here, running things behind the scenes (or at least trying). The TMS Recovery Program has some good material related to this, titled the Inner Bully. Good luck in this work. Many people go to their graves and never realize this limiting voice in their head, and never learn to deal with it skillfully. Related to TMS, how does your Inner Child feel in relationship to the Inner Critic? Just imagining this, feeling the hurt, or whatever may come up from the Child's end, is potent treatment for understanding and reducing symptoms.
Andy B

 

This is such a great post! I'll hear something over and over again (in this instance, the concept of treating yourself kindly and silencing the inner critic) but sometimes it takes a certain way of wording for it to really resonate. Apparently, I happen to resonate with calling my inner critic the b*tch that crashed the party Thanks for the laugh and inspiration.

 

Yay Katie!!!! We're not alone with these party crashers! Thanks for sharing. And the more we laugh THE BETTER!

 

Thanks Andy! I am going to ask little Lauren when I meditate how she feels about all this. I can't wait to talk to her. So much AWESOMENESS is going on through this TMS Program.

 

My inner BI T CH. has always been my mother's voice! Today I wrote about her in my journaling. I want to end her in my head. I love your analogy of the train conductor!

 

Hi mncjl123,
Tracing the voice to caregivers from childhood is a powerful step. Then you can address these voices. You might say "Mom, I don't need your help right now." or with more fire: "F**k you for rejecting me! I am being me right now!" You say to the parental object in your head what you could not say as a dependent child. This is difficult for most folks, even with assistance, because we feel unsafe when we disrupt these inner relationships. But it is powerful medicine! I hope you can experiment with this.
Andy B

 

I like the reference...from the opposite gender point of view I would refer to my inner Bas***d!!! Humor Is good

 

Thanks Andy. I have been dealing with that controlling, critical inner voice for as long as I can remember. And, unfortunately she is (the real mother) still alive and kicking at 79 and will live til 100! I need to get her out of my head and life in order to heal I believe. She is literally the pain in my ass, neck etc...

 

Hi mncjl123,
The more you can deal with the one in your head, the more clear your relationship, boundaries, and projections on others will be, including your mother. Working with the one in the head is needed to differentiate/clarify...
Andy B