I keep telling myself that I wasted a lot of my life and that I don’t have much life left. I think about my 20s in a toxic relationship, dropping out of college, and all the years I spent dealing with pain, and I feel like I missed out on so much. I’m also hard on myself about the surgery. I keep thinking that I should have waited and that I made the wrong decision, even though I was in 10/10 pain and desperate at the time.
I’ve always been a perfectionist, and I think that makes it worse. On bad pain days, I feel like I’m failing or not doing the program right. I also compare myself to those are don't have neck or back pain and feel like I’ll never be a true person anymore.
I think I do this because I’ve lived with anxiety my whole life and I’m always looking for what’s wrong, with my body and with myself. I’m trying to be kinder to myself and remember that I made the best decisions I could with what I knew at the time.
I’ve always been a perfectionist, and I think that makes it worse. On bad pain days, I feel like I’m failing or not doing the program right. I also compare myself to those are don't have neck or back pain and feel like I’ll never be a true person anymore.
I think I do this because I’ve lived with anxiety my whole life and I’m always looking for what’s wrong, with my body and with myself. I’m trying to be kinder to myself and remember that I made the best decisions I could with what I knew at the time.