Day 9 Day 9. Self criticism

[jwiles]

Have you been overly critical of yourself lately? How and why have you done this? Of course I always have been. I feel like I need to blame myself for so much in life. I feel inadequate and I've always felt that way. Lately I've been blaming myself for a series of things that happened this year. I've felt like I'm not living up to where I need to right now. I don't have the right job I haven't finished my college education. I'm still living with my mother and I'm just not getting where I want right now.

 

[ElizabethG]

Hi jwiles. Yes, I usually look to myself first when things aren't just right. I don't like to blame others or see fault in others, maybe it's my way of taking control... I'm sorry you are discouraged. What choices do you see to change things? My mom usually tells me to start being thankful for as many things as I can. Adjust my focus. Hoping your journey here helps you!

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi jwiles,
I find that working with, and confronting the Inner Bully is very effective at treating TMS. Good luck in working with this aspect of yourself, and forgiving yourself for being human!
Andy B.

 

[Toby2015]

Hi jwiles
I am at the same point in the SEP as you and I too blame myself for everything. I feel like a failure for not being fit successful In many aspects of life.
What I have done is wrote day 10's letter to myself. Looking at my current stress list, everything listed is about me, nobody else at present is stressing me out.
Yes it was a bit strange writing a letter to Myself but it was a real eye opener as if never treat anyone else like I treat myself. Reading it made me realise how cruel and unfair I am to myself. I have decided to continue writing to myself as more gas popped into my mind that I haven't addressed on paper.
It is so true that we must learn to love ourselves before anyone else, yet knowing this why is it so to do?
I hope you conquer your inner turmoil. You are not alone, we will conquer TMS together.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Several TMsers posted today about needing to let up on themselves and that it is helping to write a letter to themselves. I think we tend to forget the good we have done for others and focus more on what more we wish we could do or have done. Hey, no one is perfect. The only one who ever was gave His life for us. Today is right. We are not alone. God is with us, and also everyone who loves us, and that number is a lot greater than we may think.

A great friend told me many years ago, "Walt, you are not only a beautiful person, you have a beautiful personality." I try to remember that all the time and believe it was true. I have a sign on my refrigerator that is similar: "Lord, help me to become the person my dog thinks I am."

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi All,
I think that seeing how we are treating ourselves habitually with rejection is the first step. We can't change until we get real with this habit. Then compassion can arise. Good luck to everyone...
Andy B.

 

[cotemd]

I have learned through this program that self-criticism, putting pressure on oneself, guilt, etc only brings more anxiety, depression, low self-stem and fear, which creates a cycle in our minds and more pain. However, if one focuses on positive aspects of our lives such as accomplishments, list of joyful activities, short term goals, etc. one can truly turn this around and become determined to work on kindness, self-compassion and a more loving personality. I have been lucky to be very successful in my career and accomplished great things in my life but even then I was still putting way too much pressure on myself, wanted to be perfect, kept looking back to my past analyzing every single decision, feeling guilty for not doing certain things and I was driving myself crazy. As of this week, I have changed this side of my personality to find happiness and joy in life without the guilt. You can do it too.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, cotemd. You have found a great secret to enjoying life and being free of pain. How we look at ourselves is so important... being our own best friend.

I hope everyone reads your post and follows your advice. Guilt and self-pressure just drag us down. The secret of being perfect is in not being perfect. Be your best, but don't expect to be the best person who ever lived. That was Jesus. Andy's right... we need to forgive ourselves for being human.

 

[cotemd]

Thanks so much Walt, thanks for your reply. I really enjoyed your response, I like the way you stated "not being perfect but be your best". I will remember that. Thanks again.