Day 9: Criticism

I'm pretty sure I've developed TMS in part because I'm so overly critical of myself. I am definitely my worst critic. Almost on everything I do, I think that I could have done better - my career, parenting, working out, running, being a wife and daughter. I always think that I'm falling short of my duties in life. I've tried to recognize this behavior a lot more recently and am constantly saying "you're just a perfectionist" or "this isn't a big deal - don't let this bother you" or "why is this a big deal to you." While I've definitely been trying to figure out triggers and journal, I've been trying to be less up tight about things too and let things go more often.

 

Hi, COgirl. Looks to me like you put your finger on why you have TMS pain, from being a perfectionist.
Dr. Sarno says it's one of the main causes. He says many of his patients admitted to be overly conscientious and
responsible, and perfectionists. "It is the beginning of wisdom" he says, the start of the process of putting things
into proper perspective. It is the recognition that there are physical disorders that play a psychological role in
human biology." Sarno says highly responsible people generate a lot of subconscious anger and anxiety in
response to the pressures of everyday life."

I find all this true in my own life. I work for a book publisher who is not only a perfectionist's perfectionist,
he is a workaholic. He has no real life outside his work and it sure makes it hard for me to work for him.
But over the years I've learned to work at my pace and not his, and he's adjusted to that. Sort of. Ha, ha.

At the same time, I've been learning to lighten up on my own perfectionism. I figure if I worked half as hard
as I do and worry half as much about it, I'll still be doing at least twice what most others can do.

You have a lot on your plate. Take one part at a time and try to enjoy all you have on it.

 

Yes in Dr. Sarno's book, he described me to a tee. I am very responsible and perfectionistic. My TMS started when I went back to school and was on a mission to get straight A's and do perfect and succeed. I wanted to get the award for the best grades when I graduated. Before finding out about TMS, I always suspected stress to be a culprit but I didn't dig deep enough. I'm trying to let go of my perfectionistic ways too, but carefully because I don't want to suppress my desire; I just want it to honestly get better. I'm going well healing lately, but have work to go. I was a little more tense yesterday and I noticed last night and today that while I didn't have pain, I could feel the tension in my lower back and then the nervous feeling and fear came on as well. I've tried to talk myself down all day and tried to ask myself 100 times what the problem is. It comes back to me being a perfectionist and goodist. I'm hoping going through the psychological aspects will abate a physical attack of the pain.

 

Work harder on screwing things up. Look around at all the people who are slovenly, provide poor service, have bad attitudes, and don't give a damn about anyone but themselves--emulate them more. Separate how you perform mundane tasks from those you want to do "perfectly".