Day 8

[Thaxter]

It's day 8, and I'm doing better, but I did suffer a setback today. Lots of stress surrounding my job. I did so well throughout the day. I tracked my time and stayed within budget and was able to make good progress. Despite all that, I felt some back pain at the end of the day.

I think it's due to the frustration I feel about not having enough time alloted to complete the tasks assigned to me, and because I am still learning. I'm a perfectionist, and learning brand new processes is difficult for me because I don't want to make mistakes. Yet I am still making mistakes. I also feel resentment about this new job because I didn't realize it was structured such that I would need to carefully track all my time.

As for the pain in my back, I know it is temporary, and will pass. I took an Advil and am going to read Dr. Sarno in bed tonight after I finish my journaling exercises. I feel I am starting to release some emotional detritis that has accumulated inside me for many years and even cried some this weekend. This was good.

I think my biggest frustration is that I can be happy, productive, cheerful, throughout the day, yet at the end of the day, pain sets in. It has happened with my hands and now my back. I feel that even though I am making an effort to stay focused and upbeat, my body keeps sabotaging me! If anyone has insight into why this happening, I'd love to hear feedback. Thanks!
Thaxter

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Thaxter. I think you're very fortunate in not feeling pain during the day. The day's accumulation of emotional stresses such as thinking about your job can bring on pain in the evening. I too am a perfectionist, and have the misfortune of working for a book who is a perfectionist's perfectionist. Nothing satisfies him and he blames me for even the minor mistake. He's a book publisher and I am his sole employee, writing and editing books for him. He goesw nuts if I put a comma where he wants a semicolon! Yet, I find mistakes in his work that he has me proofread.

It took me some time, but I finally decided to let him rant and rave. I would do my best, which is a lot more than most people would do for him.

The best thing is that you believe your pains are only temporary. As you work more in the SEProgram and discover the emotions causing your pain, you will feel even better.

In TMS healing, it is common for pain to be more intense as we discover our repressed emotions. Your may be mainly about being a perfectionist.
I think there are some good videos on Youtube about how to handle perfectionism. I'll take a look now.

Yes, I see that there are several. You might take a look at them for suggestions on how to modify that character trait.

 

[Thaxter]

Hi Walt,

You're right, I am a perfectionist. At my new job, I have had to accept that as I learn, I am only a mediocre student, at the C level. That's hard, because I was always an A student. Not any more!

I'm sorry about your current assignment with this author who is so difficult. I don't know anything about children's publishing. However, like any other genre, I think you can publish your own work on amazon's Kindle. Have you looked into that? It's easy and free -- and then you don't have to write for anyone but yourself! Just a thought.

Thanks for writing back, Walt. I am doing better every day. I am still writing every night and that is helping me process a lot of what is going on in my life and that really is helping me deal with my pain better. My pain is at a low level most days so I can deal with it. I am very grateful!
Thaxter