Day 8 - Triggers

As I've been reading through the program and doing the exercises, I've become increasingly aware of how much my kids trigger my pain. I think this is partly because parenting can trigger feelings that aren't very socially acceptable (anger, resentment), so they get suppressed, and also partly because parenting brings up difficult feelings and memories from my own childhood. Additionally, since my kids are super energetic and can be quite loud and physical, I think I feel overwhelmed and anxious around them at times, because I'm pretty sensitive and it's a lot to take in. It's kind of bitter sweet to recognize this - beneficial to have more awareness of my triggers so I can cope with them more effectively, but also kind of sad to realize that my kids are a source of pain. I guess that's the bittersweet process of uncovering difficult emotions in the unconscious.

What other triggers have people been struck by?

 

Hi @moon123 - I think your right on target with all the feelings your not supposed to have as a parent that we all have-and often! I think you have to try to forgive yourself for those feelings and know that every single parent has them sometimes. Most of my triggers have to do with other's judgments of me and the fear that creates. Will my job task be up to par? Will I say the wrong thing in a meeting? Will my presentation be acceptable? Logically, I know that I'm competent and that each of these situations comes out fine in the end. No one is really judging at all-it's all in my head. I fear that the pain will be bad on any given day and that I won't be able to perform the things above as well as I'd like to. -Then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. It's all ludicrous. The feedback I get about all those things is always great. Just can't get out of the loop.

 

Thank you for this comment JBG. I have a lot more triggers related to fearing judgment from others too. Whether it's parenting, working, hanging out with friends, or doing activism, I put a lot of energy into taking care of everyone else's needs, and I think part of the reason behind that is I'm afraid of not being a "good enough" person, or being seen as "not good enough." I'm realizing that working so hard to help everyone else does build resentment (which I hadn't really faced until recently) and that resentment is probably a big repressed feeling that fuels my pain.

 

I'm so glad we've found our way here. There's so much comfort in hearing others' success stories and in sharing our own struggles. I hope you have a good start to your week. May our calm moments be many and our triggers be few.

 

I also agree that sometimes the best things in life are also triggers for me, perhaps because I care so much about them. For instance, I'm obsessed with making sure I take my dog out for enough exercise. So when my husband is away, which is often, I often panic (trigger): How will I make sure the dog gets enough exercise with my foot issue? How will I survive the weekend on my own? It sounds ridiculous when I write it down, but it is something I worry about all the time. And many friends/neighbors always ask me to take out their dogs too and how will I do that if I can't walk properly? And the worrying goes on and on...about all these small but significant things. Things that really take hold in my mind.

 

It fascinates (and maddens!) me that we can see how ridiculous all the senseless worrying is but can't make it stop. I'm fabulous at worrying about events that can be a week away, a month away, or even several months away! On a good day I can talk myself out of it but most of the time I do exactly the same thing you're describing. It makes me want to scream. Unfortunately, today is a horrible pain day for me. I'm trying to work the program and think about the psychological reasons for the pain instead of the pain itself but when it's overwhelming it's hard to see past it. I hope you resolve the foot issue soon so it's one less distraction for you.

 

I'm having a tough few days too! Back on the program and just downloaded Unlearn Your Pain (book) so I hope to stay focused on the deeper issue and retrain my brain. It's hard. I feel very discouraged these days. But I've decided to buy a bike trainer so that I can get back on my bike, even for just five minutes in the privacy of my own home. I feel like there's too much pressure to go to the gym and just do two minutes on the bike. I will feel the need to prove I can do more (for some ridiculous reason) and then go overboard and then be in pain, etc. So I need to go at my own pace with this and remove all the pressure around it.

 

I'm sorry to hear you guys are having some tough days. They can be so frustrating and discouraging! When I have a down day sometimes it helps to remember other dips that I eventually recovered from. And be kind to yourself (easier said than done, I know).

 

Thanks, @moon123 It's helpful to get some encouragement and a reminder to be kind. I think it's so true that we treat others like kings and queens and don't nurture or support ourselves. It seems crazy when you realize it. @Mountain Girl I hear you on baby steps in your own home vs. being at the gym. But if/when you do go to the gym, try to make no apologies for five minutes of exercise or five hours. There's no one judging (even though we think there is) and even if there was, try to remember that each of us answers to no one but ourselves. Think of the satisfaction you'll likely get from doing those five minutes instead of nothing. Sometimes I take a walk around a small lake nearby. I go so slow I must look like I'm 90. But it's a good pace for me and I'm glad when I'm done. I'm curious about the book. I may take a look.

 

I love the idea of baby steps too. When I see people's posts here about exercise it still really intimidates me, but I'm hopeful I'll eventually get there. Right now I'm just at the point where I can walk to a store from the parking lot, buy something, and walk back to the car. Even though it's small in the grand scheme of things, it's much more than I was doing a month ago so I'm proud of myself!

 

Yay! Have you gone thru the structured multimedia program on this site? Day 12 on cognitive soothing has a helpful 8 1/2 minute audio clip on worrying and how we can soothe ourselves out of it. You might take a look at that program if you haven't. I found it helpful.

 

Yes, I just need to keep going with it all. Unlearn Your Pain is very good so far...I think it will be a big help, but I also need to keep going with all this stuff too. One day at a time.