Day 8 - treatment so far

I have been working diligently over the past week with three basic goals in mind:

1. Learn to accept that my pain is psychosomatic
2. Learn to be kinder toward myself
3. Learn to identify and then expose negative thought patterns

Each of these objectives provides its own unique challenges, but my greatest struggle is with numero uno. It takes a leap of faith to accept that my pain is psychologically rooted, and I've always been more prone to doubt rather than faith. Persistent doubt even in the face of overwhelming evidence has been a trademark of my personality since I was a very small child.

The fact is nobody can PROVE beyond a shadow of a doubt that my pain is psychosomatic. Theoretically there COULD be some totally bizarre disease process or structural abnormality causing my pain. The logical side of my brain knows how laughably unlikely that is, but my fear-driven emotional self clings to this possibility nonetheless.

As I continue on in my treatment, I expect the grip of doubt to slowly loosen. I will overcome it through sheer persistence and putting in the work.

 

Your three goals are great. They'll get you to believe 100 percent that your symptoms are TMS and you'll heal.
So will the SEP.

 

Walt, can I ask please...

You always say that you journalled and found that it opened up that you needed to journal about your childhood. I have been journalling about everything I can possibly think of at the moment and I still haven't come close to healing.

Did you recognise that this was what you needed to journal about early on or did it come up through journalling about other things?

Cheers,

Adam

 

I had done such a good job of repressing my childhood emotions (stemming from my parents divorcing when
I was 7, and their constant financial problems, that I didn't even think they had caused me any anger, but they sure did.
Journaling uncovered that.

I just journaled about my boyhood and that led me to better understand my anger. That led me to understanding my parents
better and that led to forgiving and then that led to healing the back pain.

 

You always make it sound so simple Walt...

 

He sure does Uk