Day 8: TMS treatment so far : drumrolls

Hey all,

Okay, so my acceptance has moved from 67% to 78%. Because I am Christian, I have to believe that I am healed in order to receive healing, therefore when I asked God 'why am I still in pain' He chose to lead me back into TMS knowledge to show me the extent to which my brain can lie to me.

So yesterday, for the first time in 2 years, I ran. I can't tell you the amount of fear I had. I was literally crying all day. I wanted to feel better in order to run, and my faith in God plus knowing the deceptions of the brain were showing me that I had to run first before feeling better- not the other way round. Oh man, I was scared. Usually like I've said I have gotten a pretty intense sharp pain on the first thump to the ground as I run, and yesterday, as I started to run, it was no different. It was so painful. But I kept reciting the scripture in 2 Peter 2: 24 ampc

24 He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree [as on an altar and offered Himself on it], that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed.

The pain continued to get worse, and I started shouting the bible verse. Literally. After a minute or so, it went away. YES!!! I only ran for 7 minutes, bummer, since I have been so unfit and couldn't do much longer due to my thighs being on fire- which happens to me when I start running after a while. I'm so glad i conquered the fear.

Now, when I got back home, my foot started hurting. Now for years, I have struggled with arch pain in my right foot. I logicized the pain stating that because i have had multiple sprains on my left ankle, my right foot has been overworked therefore the pain. Also, the overpronation on the feet could mean those muscles have worked harder. But could it be that this arch pain that always happens when I walk for long periods of time is TMS? The pain in my foot was pretty persistent, and I thought- maybe because I haven't worked out in a while, so it's acting up. Anyway, today I prayed for it, because as a believer I have that power, and walked around and it felt a little better. I'm still wondering if the foot pain is TMS. I've struggled with it on and off for years, years- could it really be my brain lying to me? Nothing structrally wrong?

So today I actually do feel better than yesterday, except for my foot a little. Curious to note that as well- that the left knee is miraculously better and now it's the foot. Still... 78%. Also Jan mentioned something to be about the fact that I didn't fight the TMS when it started it my knee- I guess what I'm wondering is about those short stabs of pain here and there that aren't really chronic in terms of all day everyday, but during certain things- like my foot when I walk a lot, or my knee when I am starting to run- can that be TMS? And like how one time years ago I climbed a mountain and my knee really started to hurt but then resolved in a few days. Again both the knee and foot are on and off. Are the ons and offs tms?

Love and light to all.

XX

 

This sounds better and better @cookieheals!

Most of us think they are, yes. I certainly do. If there was actually something wrong that needed "fixing", the pain wouldn't just randomly and then completely disappear. @miffybunny gave you a good explanation in the other post of why this happens.

 

Hey Jan,

Yes I always figured that the pain was caused by some kind of re-injuring. Like, I was walking down the mountain and I don't know, hurt my knee. So it needed to rest and calm down, and then was fine- but then due to the muscles or something not being okay, it kept re-injuring. That's what I figured caused random flare-ups. Then with my feet, I figured, if I ran and my foot muscles on my right foot were weaker, it would cramp up. Wearing orthotics seemed to help so I figured that it was just my foot flaring up. That seemed to make muscular sense to me, so when they happened I'd wear a knee sleeve for a few days then it would go away, and for my foot, I would massage it and stretch it before sleeping, and noticing that the right foot was much tighter, I'd sleep and the next day it would be better. Kind of like how I used to get sprains on my left ankle every year because my muscles were hyper flexible, and after a few months of PT, I never had another ankle sprain. But that was different PT- not pain management PT. So in a way the logic of how the knee was, and how the right foot was added up. So does this mean it could be TMS??

I've asked miffybunny the same question- thanks for your responses Jan

 

I think that you are over-thinking this! Look at how much energy and time you are putting into all of these details!
Either you have an injury, which a doctor will find and tell you how to fix, or you are dealing with pain memory.

Remember: obsessing about details is also a symptom of TMS

 

Hey Jan, definitely not overthinking- just trying to understand. I think I have a gap of knowledge and trying to bridge that gap, and since you know more, I'm asking. I think that's fair?
I always thought that TMS pain was the kind of crippling debilitating pain that is very difficult to deal with, once it starts; not the kind of pain that comes and goes. And especially not the kind of pain that comes and goes with activity. And especially not the kind of pain that isn't crippling when it does come. It's mild pain.

Of course with my knowledge as a believer, I know that there is no structural deformity that is not healed, and so that in itself is a challenge to accepting pain that comes and goes, but I didn't know that if I walk a lot then my foot hurts, or I'm running more and my knee hurts, that that could be a form of TMS or pain memory. What is pain memory even? I've never heard that word. I thought that some kinds of pains are things doctors don't really fix and people just learn to cope with, you know? So, these kinds of pains fall under TMS?

I think what I'm saying in summary, is that I have played the TMS game with my body- and probably other people are like me. If my left knee starts hurting I'm like- thats definitely tms. If it's my toe, I'm like yep, tms. If it's my foot I'm like 'must have walked too much today' if it's my right knee I'm like, 'oh I hope it's okay', if it's my back I'm like 'that's definitely TMS'; the TMS symptoms being the ones that randomly begin and have no activity assigned to them. The one's with activity are the one's I'm like 'oh must be the muscles'.

This is a very important question that I need to ask for my own journey in understanding how this illness works. Can those types of mild, 'it hurts but I can live with it but it usually happens when I do this activity' type of pain be TMS?