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Day 8 - Is shame worse than physical pain?

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Daisy2, Jan 22, 2019.

  1. Daisy2

    Daisy2 Newcomer

    I know that I am a perfectionist. When I was a child, I was regularly shamed for minor slip ups and I remember actually thinking - if I do everything right, I'll never have this feeling (of shame) again.

    When I try and relax my standards, I start to feel the fear of enraging someone. Perfectionism is likely impacting my healing, but I don't know how to stop.
  2. Aaricia

    Aaricia Peer Supporter

    I hear you! I had the same problem especially at work, I had to be the best, the nicest, the most liked one.
    The first big step is to realize that you do that, catch yourself in the right moment - AHA! - I'm doing it again and I'm asking myself for to much again.
    Just start with this. Baby Steps....
    srton likes this.
  3. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Daisy,
    You might get the book Soul Without Shame by Byron Brown which a guide to understanding and working with the Inner Critic, or superego. I believe your experience of fear is related to superego activity. As Aaricia suggests, ---and you're beginning to do this, the first step is to recognize what is happening. Next step is to defend your right to do things the way you want to, not the way "you as a child" felt she had to in order to be loved. There is a big difference between the childlike view of what we need to do to be loved versus the actual requirements/choices of action as an adult.
    Andy B
  4. srton

    srton Well known member

    It's so funny to be in this forum - we all have our own lives and stories (and pain issues) but we all tend to have similar characteristics.
    I'm with you @Aaricia and @Daisy2 - just before I opened up the TMS forum this morning I was thinking about my day and doing some mantras about "you don't have to be perfect on the test today" "youre good enough" "you don't have to prove that youre the best and smartest nicest and funniest person in class"
    It is hard!!!!
    I'm going to go journal about today and hope that it allows me to proceed with more of a Let it Go attitude!
    Thank you!
    Aaricia likes this.
  5. Daisy2

    Daisy2 Newcomer

    Thank you all for your responses and support! Andy, I'm looking forward to checking that book out - sounds like something I can use.

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