I am no gonna lie, I am frustrated. Although on day 8 of the educational program, I have been spending a lot of time studying TMS for the past 6-8 weeks. Over this period, I have learned so much. I first came across Sarno a couple years ago -- but this time around I have never been more confident that I have TMS. But as I said, yes, frustrated a bit. My neck, upper back, shoulder pain, knee, ankle pain was horrible a couple months ago. Worse than ever. Then I dove into this TMS journey. I saw some improvement. Not enough where I am going to lift weight or run or hike or anything that I used to really enjoy participating in (20 years ago) - but the pain was less. So I decided to do 10 minutes of yoga last night and the night before. Very simple movements. A couple downward dogs. And hello pain. Now, I say -- I don't expect for the pain to go away in a few weeks. But to be honest, a part of me says, "well why the hell not? I read all of these stories where it has gone away for others in a matter of hours or days. Why not me?" What is really going on in my head? Well it is my biggest fear in doing this TMS stuff. The fear is not that I don't have TMS. I really believe that I have it. I even accept that I have it. But biggest fear is that I have TMS but I will not be one of the thousands who have seemingly recovered. I don't believe I can recover. This is hard to say. Because I tell myself all day that I can recover. I tell myself that I will recover. I have written down the dates that I will start running again and lifting weights again. But I must be honest with you. I must be honest with myself. I fear that I am a hopeless case. I can no longer avoid this fear. I can no longer lie to myself. I track my pain. It is migratory. Transitory. Fickle. It does multiple geographics all over my body on the daily. 20 years of this and I am just noticing how strange this damn pain is. And now, 100 times per day, I yell out, "This is f***ing TMS. How am I just discovering this!" How can I know with such perspicacity that I HAVE TMS, yet flat out disbelieve in a future recovery? Well there are many answers to this. Maybe it's as simple as: I have tried everything. Nothing has worked. Why would this work? Maybe because I am a devote agnostic. That is not only agnostic with religion. An extreme agnostic. A man without belief. To have no firm belief in anything. How can I believe I will heal?