Day 6 - What if I progress to a ruptured Disc?

[EAsprts26]

Hey Everyone,

Thanks for all the continued support and responses in all of our journey's. I am having so much difficulty keeping my mind off that disc. My biggest worry is that I will be doing something and I will cause the disc to rupture causing potentially permanent issues. I want to get back to exercising, and I am trying to get cleared to go back to ski patrol. Problem is that I now can barely walk because of a tight possibly pulled calf from running the other day. I haven't run in a long time and I definitely over did it. I am also trying to get cleared to go back to ski patrol, but I will have to get cleared by a doctor to do so and that means somehow explaining how I came to this decision. I am gonna struggle to answer that, especially since my leg is still in pain in the usual places and if this calf pain doesn't go away quick I'll probably be limping.

I am certain the calf pain is from over doing it running, and it isn't causing doubt in my TMS struggle. It is leading to severely distracting thoughts and a lot of stress because I am not working right now and I am unsure about my working future at the moment.

Has anyone else dealt with the fear of rupturing your herniated disc?

Thanks, I was just starting my day 6 activities and was having such overwhelming thoughts I decided to just make a post on here first.

-Eric

 

[KevinB]

Hi Eric,

Sorry to hear about your anxiety and fear, it's something we ALL struggle with, and it is, indeed, the primary goal of TMS - to keep us in fear, which keeps us focused on the symptoms, distracted from emotions and from life stressors. So first things first, the term "ruptured disk" is thrown around a lot, but it really means the same thing as a herniated disk.... supposedly there's a difference between a "bulging disk" and a "herniated disk" - the former having not "ruptured", the later having "ruptured". So if you've been told you have a herniated disk, it's already ruptured..... but I know we tend to fear this idea of our disk somewhere "exploding", but that is nearly impossible, and it would take a seriously traumatic accident for that to happen. Therefore, I know it's difficult, but try to stop thinking about disks, there is ZERO evidence that bulges, herniations, etc. cause any sort of pain - Dr. Sarno says these are "normal abnormalities" and we needn't fear them. Try to focus on your mind, tell yourself that it is not a structural issue, and you refuse to live in fear. I like to try to think about it in simple terms - if you do not have cancer in your back, a tumor, an infection, fractures, or severe loss of feeling/use of your legs, then you are OK, it is TMS - I'm not making this up, it's been stated by several of the TMS doctors.

I'll end with this. An old friend of mine recent had to undergo emergency brain surgery. They cut his skull open and operated on his brain. Why am I telling you this? It's been just over a month and he is home, able to do most things on his own (walk, shower, brush teeth, shave). HE HAD BRAIN SURGERY. The point is, the body heals if there is actual trauma. TMS lingers, often gets worse with time - that is PROOF that it is NOT structural. My relapse was nearly 3 weeks ago, and it still hurts to walk and stand? It just doesn't make sense. I didn't have an accident; I don't have any of the aforementioned symptoms, so it's not disease; so why in the HELL would it be sticking around if it were structural?? It wouldn't, that's the point.

Best,
Kev

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Eric. Kevin gives you very good advice and I like his telling about his friend who had brain surgery and is recovering so well. If you can't exercise as much as you'd like, or are afraid of hurting more, just to what you can. Any moving of the arms and legs is important.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Eric,

I get that you are in a lot of stress right now, related to
--reducing pain
--getting your employment back on track
--using Sarno's work
--fearing real physical damage to your body
--also getting back in shape for ski patrol

That is a lot.

And that you are doing so much to try to work through these overlapping, and sometimes conflicting challenges. I hope that you can have some empathy for your situation, and if possible, not push anything too hard. If it comes to having work and employment, this is especially anxiety producing.

I like this thread which addresses anxiety. You might try some of the links...

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/question-about-recurrence-of-symptoms.3694/

Also check out Walt's breathing tips, which he posts frequently. If you can soothe your nervous system, and observe the fear about the physical damage, and not get so identified with that thinking, it would be beneficial. I know nothing about backs, or discs...

Andy B.