Day 6: trying to accept the diagnosis

Hi all,

It's funny to think that it was easier for me to believe that a sick dying bone that no one could say was healed was easier for me, than a couple aches in my knee that are not horribly bad, but there nonetheless.

Suffice to say, I'm still struggling to believe that TMS is the issue behind my knees, pun intended. It hurts so bad to go downstairs and is so periodic as I bend it downstairs- so it isn't exactly chronic pain. So I'm not sure if its conditioned responses, or just something i hurt that needs time to heal.

I'm also scared of beefing up activity. Not because of my toe that was miraculously healed, but my achy knees which is such a paradox- but nonetheless true. The pain can feel so 'real'.

 

Hi there @cookieheals. I just read your Day 1 post to find out what you meant about the "sick dying bone" and that's a brilliant story of recovery!

So yeah, it makes no sense that you are struggling so much with this knee pain - which you and I and so many people here know, and based on your earlier description of it, is so likely to be TMS, right?

You earlier described how your knees have given you problems off and on for years. And that you gave up running because of knee pain, not so long ago.

Maybe look those two things? How is it you gave up running without a (TMS) fight - but it's still an issue worth bringing up? Maybe you've unconsciously let the knee pain continue to interfere because "it wasn't that bad" (easy to do, been there), even as you learned about and successfully applied TMS knowledge to your shoulder pain years ago, and most recently to the toe injury. In the meantime, the old familiar knee pain becomes your brain's "go to" TMS distraction, and it's really proving hard to unlearn that old pain.

Just some thoughts off the top of my head.

Oh, and let's not forget that 2020 has got to be TMS's new best friend. If there is anyone who ever recovered from TMS and who is not suffering from symptoms this year, I want to hear about it.

 

Jan, first off i just want to thank you for responding to my post. I believe this is the first response I've gotten -different from 2017 when I was here last and I am so thankful for your thoughts because today I was feeling exceptionally alone. I had to say that first.

Yeah, I guess i always thought that if a pain is on and off, it can't be TMS. Is that incorrect? I'm going to make a post on how I'm doing on Day 8- I hope you respond to that as well! Thank you again for responding!

 

Hi @cookieheals,

Pain that comes and goes, waxes and wanes, shifts in location and intensity , is indeed "dynamic" pain which is TMS, which is simply learned pain stemming from neural pathways in the brain. You may have certain "triggers"...positions or activities or times of day etc. when the symptoms seem to be worse or flare. Those are conditioned responses to innocuous activities that your brain has formed an association with. Your brain perceives these harmless things as "dangerous". You can see them for what they really are, however, which are harmless and meaningless triggers. Your symptoms cannot harm you either, nor are they dangerous. Once you accept this, "the jig is up" so to speak. The TMS strategy becomes disabled. Lose the fear, lose the symptoms. Shift focus from the physical to the psychological and your life. Relax in the knowledge that you are ok and not broken or damaged. Relax in the knowledge that this is temporary and reversible.

 

Thank you miffybunny

 

Actually miffy bunny I have questions about what you just said. Here's what I posted to Jan

Hey Jan,

Yes I always figured that the pain was caused by some kind of re-injuring. Like, I was walking down the mountain and I don't know, hurt my knee. So it needed to rest and calm down, and then was fine- but then due to the muscles or something not being okay, it kept re-injuring. That's what I figured caused random flare-ups. Then with my feet, I figured, if I ran and my foot muscles on my right foot were weaker, it would cramp up. Wearing orthotics seemed to help so I figured that it was just my foot flaring up. That seemed to make muscular sense to me, so when they happened I'd wear a knee sleeve for a few days then it would go away, and for my foot, I would massage it and stretch it before sleeping, and noticing that the right foot was much tighter, I'd sleep and the next day it would be better. Kind of like how I used to get sprains on my left ankle every year because my muscles were hyper flexible, and after a few months of PT, I never had another ankle sprain. But that was different PT- not pain management PT. So in a way the logic of how the knee was, and how the right foot was added up. So does this mean it could be TMS?

 

Hi @cookieheals ,

Yes everything you describe is classic TMS. You were not "re-injuring" anything. What was happening was you were "re-fearing"...basically your fear was ramping up because you associate those activities with danger and hurting yourself. The fear is the fuel for the TMS because it activates the danger alarm center in the brain which then sends signals. It's a neural loop of fear-pain-fear. The way to intercept the loop or train yourself out of the loop is to lose the fear. Keep reassuring yourself as you gradually do these activities (and challenge your fears and thoughts around them), that you are ok and can't hurt yourself. Throw out the orthotics and stop going to physical therapists. All that does is reinforce the false belief that there is something physically wrong with you (or you are weak or fragile or "hyper mobile" or damaged etc etc). Know that you are already totally fine right now. Most of the process of getting better, involves clearing out all these false beliefs we have....many of which come form the medical mill when we become "medicalized" (conditioned and brainwashed essentially) and many come from our thoughts that we think so many times over that they become beliefs. The fact that your symptoms would jump from one area to another (the other foot), flare with certain activities and not with others, seemingly get better with crutches (orthotics) and placebos ( massage etc) are all clues to how this is stemming from the brain. Your job now is to address the underlying emotions...the CAUSE of the TMS (remember TMS is only a symptom....your brain's way or "protecting" you). Shift focus to your emotions (which are safe and need to be felt without judgment) and your life.

 

Has anyone gotten numbness that started after exercise? It's really scary because I keep getting numbness/squeezing in areas like my stomach and it travels around other parts of my body, some head shakes come and go too. My tongue feels numb a lot too. I would have gone to see a doctor too but there's a freaking pandemic, I don't know what to do anymore. I was hoping to heal naturally but I keep getting more symptoms despite working on my emotions and lifestyle habits. Is it worth trying diet changes? I'm really scared I have MS

 

Numbness is a common symptom of TMS. It's highly doubtful you have MS and diet is irrelevant. Obviously you don't want to live on pizza and ice cream (although that sounds fun!) but it has nothing to do with your symptoms and sensations.

 

Thank you so much for replying! At one point, one of my legs had a little trouble moving, but I'm glad the worst is over. The numbness lingers in my mouth/throat/stomach area. It's disturbing how much it matches the MS profile of lasting for a day/two and not recurring for a while , but I should know better not to google.

 

I will print out this answer! I had no idea of the concept of re-fearing!

 

Yes, DON'T GOOGLE. If you feed into the internet you'll feed into what your physical senses tell you, then you will be afraid, then you will be pre-occupied with the symptoms out of fear, and continue to take yourself out of dealing with the emotions. Read Steve O's great pain deception to see the extent to which his body was failing, and do not let your mind be deceived into thinking it has MS. Once you do, you agree with the diagnosis, and the power of suggestion and acceptance is a strong bond. So don't do it- trust me, I used to google seismoditis and was recently healed from it (although that was divine)- reading about it on the internet almost took me to surgery. But thank God, I was saved. And you will too!

 

Thank goodness the numbness is gone! Limbs still feel either weak/heavy and bones feel soft at times eek

 

It's okay! The brain is a crazily deceptive organ- I can't tell you how excruciating my first run was to my knee, and the second run. Today was so much better I almost was in shock. Don't get sucked into the lies of diagnosis, keep believing- trust me you'll get there!

 

I'm getting better slowly, it's just that I've been left with thinner, softer skin and my nails sometimes turn a little purple, the moons are not as visible, and they're thinner and a little brittle when I cut them. I'm almost back to normal but it feels like some things are long term/permanent (hopefully not?).

 

Definitely not! The mind tells the body what to do. Keep visualizing your body as you want to be and it’ll manifest into reality. You can experience 100% wholeness. That’s what I’m believing for so hold on as well