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Day 6 - feeling better but still up/down back pain

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by vanessa, Jul 3, 2015.

  1. vanessa

    vanessa Peer Supporter

    Today is day 6, just did the journalling and listened. I also listened and read a ton last night. And on many different things like "compassion towards oneself" not inner bully and tyrant. I listened to "Ginger" cry and was sad a long with her. And Kelly. I wrote in for day 5 but it never appeared. I immediately bead myself up. What did you do wrong now. God you're stupid, that stuff. And I stopped. I was OK, tomorrow is a new day, you don't have to re-write. SO WHAT. It's just a little update. When I was 5 I took LSD by accident. My dad left it on sugar cubes. And I was able to connect with the fear, and I was screaming seeing all these visions and not knowing what was happening. I can't remember my dad driving me around, but he took me to Richard Alperts home, that was in Millbrook, and he is known now as baba ram dass. But my dad had Richard give me a shot of thorozine. I was knoocked out, and then I remember calling my mom to get away from Millbrook, I was terrified of all these hippies and some people were mean to me, and I repressed everything, I so just wanted my dad's love. And when I got older, he said, "I didn't know if you would get brain damage or not, but you appear to be great, your brain is very sharp." But the smugness in which he could completely devalue his own child, and say it so casually, I remember being so angry, thinking what if I did have brain damage. You weren't even around when I'm fine. And I remember repressing my feelings, and even "laughing it off" - i was just so happy my dad loved me and wasn't too drunk that day. So i felt this anger and fear at the same time and didn't judge it, just let my heart beat rapidly. And then did the meditation and reported on my link. I don't know if it's rage or terror but I do know my heart was pounding. And I said some nasty things to him in my head, to release the anger, I imagined myself shoving sugar cubes laced with acid down his throat, saying, "I hope you don't get any brain damage." And immediatley, the loving daughter takes over, rationalization sets in, and again i said, that won't get you better, just feel it in all its intensity. Then I meditated, and kept my mantra simple. You are safe, You are safe. I didn't last more then 5 minutes, but I did do it. I hope this helps anyone getting a hold of those emotions. This morning was hard as was last night, and I did the usual, nothing wrong with my back, but had to just feel
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Vanessa. You're doing the TMS healing right. Your positive mantra is excellent.
    Maybe combine it with deep breathing... inhale to 4 through the mouth, hold for 4, then exhale for 4 through the mouth.
    It's very relaxing.

    Your dad sure didn't do you any favors by introducing you to drugs. But try to forgive him and it's great if you can laugh it off.

    I posted this recently. You might find it helpful.

    How to Reduce Anxiety Right Now

    I find the following article by Margarita Tartakovsky, holder of a degree in master of science, to be very helpful for reducing anxiety. Her techniques are identical or very similar to those in TMS healing.

    When you’re feeling anxious, you might feel stuck and unsure of how to feel better. You might even do things that unwittingly fuel your anxiety. You might hyperfocus on the future, and get carried away by a slew of what-ifs.

    What if I start to feel worse? What if they hate my presentation? What if she sees me sweating? What if I bomb the exam? What if I don’t get the house?

    You might judge and bash yourself for your anxiety. You might believe your negative, worst-case scenario thoughts are indisputable facts.

    Thankfully, there are many tools and techniques you can use to manage anxiety effectively. Below, experts shared healthy ways to cope with anxiety right here, right now.

    1. Take a deep breath.

    “The first thing to do when you get anxious is to breathe,” said Tom Corboy, MFT, the founder and executive director of the OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) Center of Los Angeles, and co-author of The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD.

    Deep diaphragmatic breathing is a powerful anxiety-reducing technique because it activates the body’s relaxation response. It helps the body go from the fight-or-flight response of the sympathetic nervous system to the relaxed response of the parasympathetic nervous system, said Marla W. Deibler, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and director of The Center for Emotional Health of Greater Philadelphia.

    She suggested this practice: “Try slowly inhaling to a count of 4, filling your belly first and then your chest, gently holding your breath to a count of 4, and slowly exhaling to a count of 4 and repeat several times.”

    2. Accept that you’re anxious.

    Remember that “anxiety is just a feeling, like any other feeling,” said Deibler, also author of the Psych Central blog “Therapy That Works.” By reminding yourself that anxiety is simply an emotional reaction, you can start to accept it, Corboy said.

    Acceptance is critical because trying to wrangle or eliminate anxiety often worsens it. It just perpetuates the idea that your anxiety is intolerable, he said.

    But accepting your anxiety doesn’t mean liking it or resigning yourself to a miserable existence.

    “It just means you would benefit by accepting reality as it is – and in that moment, reality includes anxiety. The bottom line is that the feeling of anxiety is less than ideal, but it is not intolerable.”

    3. Realize that your brain is playing tricks on you.

    Psychiatrist Kelli Hyland, M.D., has seen first-hand how a person’s brain can make them believe they’re dying of a heart attack when they’re actually having a panic attack. She recalled an experience she had as a medical student.

    “I had seen people having heart attacks and look this ill on the medical floors for medical reasons and it looked exactly the same. A wise, kind and experienced psychiatrist came over to [the patient] and gently, calmly reminded him that he is not dying, that it will pass and his brain is playing tricks on him. It calmed me too and we both just stayed with him until [the panic attack] was over.”

    Today, Dr. Hyland, who has a private practice in Salt Lake City, Utah, tells her patients the same thing. “It helps remove the shame, guilt, pressure and responsibility for fixing yourself or judging yourself in the midst of needing nurturing more than ever.”

    4. Question your thoughts.

    “When people are anxious, their brains start coming up with all sorts of outlandish ideas, many of which are highly unrealistic and unlikely to occur,” Corboy said. And these thoughts only heighten an individual’s already anxious state.

    For instance, say you’re about to give a wedding toast. Thoughts like “Oh my God, I can’t do this. It will kill me” may be running through your brain.

    Remind yourself, however, that this isn’t a catastrophe, and in reality, no one has died giving a toast, Corboy said.

    “Yes, you may be anxious, and you may even flub your toast. But the worst thing that will happen is that some people, many of whom will never see you again, will get a few chuckles, and that by tomorrow they will have completely forgotten about it.”

    Deibler also suggested asking yourself these questions when challenging your thoughts:

    • “Is this worry realistic?
    • Is this really likely to happen?
    • If the worst possible outcome happens, what would be so bad about that?
    • Could I handle that?
    • What might I do?
    • If something bad happens, what might that mean about me?
    • Is this really true or does it just seem that way?
    • What might I do to prepare for whatever may happen?”
    5. Use a calming visualization.

    Hyland suggested practicing the following meditation regularly, which will make it easier to access when you’re anxious in the moment.

    “Picture yourself on a river bank or outside in a favorite park, field or beach. Watch leaves pass by on the river or clouds pass by in the sky. Assign [your] emotions, thoughts [and] sensations to the clouds and leaves, and just watch them float by.”

    This is very different from what people typically do. Typically, we assign emotions, thoughts and physical sensations certain qualities and judgments, such as good or bad, right or wrong, Hyland said. And this often amplifies anxiety. Remember that “it is all just information.”

    6. Be an observer — without judgment.

    Hyland gives her new patients a 3×5 index card with the following written on it: “Practice observing (thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations, judgment) with compassion, or without judgment.”

    “I have had patients come back after months or years and say that they still have that card on their mirror or up on their car dash, and it helps them.”

    7. Use positive self-talk.

    Anxiety can produce a lot of negative chatter. Tell yourself “positive coping statements,” Deibler said. For instance, you might say, “this anxiety feels bad, but I can use strategies to manage it.”

    8. Focus on right now.

    “When people are anxious, they are usually obsessing about something that might occur in the future,” Corboy said. Instead, pause, breathe and pay attention to what’s happening right now, he said. Even if something serious is happening, focusing on the present moment will improve your ability to manage the situation, he added.

    9. Focus on meaningful activities.

    When you’re feeling anxious, it’s also helpful to focus your attention on a “meaningful, goal-directed activity,” Corboy said. He suggested asking yourself what you’d be doing if you weren’t anxious.

    If you were going to see a movie, still go. If you were going to do the laundry, still do it.

    “The worst thing you can do when anxious is to passively sit around obsessing about how you feel.” Doing what needs to get done teaches you key lessons, he said: getting out of your head feels better; you’re able to live your life even though you’re anxious; and you’ll get things done.

    “The bottom line is, get busy with the business of life. Don’t sit around focusing on being anxious – nothing good will come of that.” (end of article.)

    I hope those 9 suggestions help you with your anxiety.

    I add a 10th: smile or laugh. Laughing sends calming endorphins to the mind and body. If there is nothing to laugh about, laugh anyway. To start laughing, smile. Try to wear a smile at all times. It encourages the subconscious to laugh.
  3. vanessa

    vanessa Peer Supporter

    Thank you for this. It was great. But I was in touch with my rage, when I was 16 and he was really drunk. And I laughed off having acid with him, to make light, but when I was 16 it really hurt my feelings, at 16. I have laughed off everything. Of course I have forgiven him, but I am supposed to journal on past events. And if I was a mother, and the father was drunk, and gave my daughter acid, and the "laughed" it off, I was hurt and I would be angry. So if you don't mind. It's repressing this that is hurting me. How much do I laugh stuff off. I am a stand up comedian. I adore my dad, I miss him horribly, but the work according to the program is self awareness and letting go of repressed memories, not from this mature brain I have now. I don't regret one second of my life, but when I couldn't walk 7 weeks ago, I had to stop "laughing it off" and had to cultifvate kindness towards myself. However your post was really awesome, as I have a lot of anxious feelings, and have been able to work for over 22 years as a comic. And I tend to be over defensive too, so again I apologize, I felt that you didn't quite understand where I was coming from and I wanted to clear that up ,because I know you are coming from such a kind and good place.

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