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Day 5 - Kristina - and some questions

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by kkcarlton, Jul 3, 2017.

  1. kkcarlton

    kkcarlton Peer Supporter


    Yesterday was a fairly good day. Back pain was at a minimum. It flared while I was at church and left when we were on our way home - I haven't figured that one out yet. I had much less fatigue yesterday as well, was awake and alert throughout the evening (also an improvement) and went to bed almost pain free, except for my right heel. It started hurting about 5 weeks ago while I was out running. Incidentally, I was diagnosed with a heel spur in my right foot in the 90s and gave up running back then at the advice of a doctor. When it started 5 weeks ago, even before I knew about TMS, I assumed it had to do with an old neural pathway.

    I went for a walk last night and jogged a few times. My heel felt "ok" but later last night it hurt so bad I had a hard time walking. I also woke up around 2:40 AM (an hour later than I normally wake up) and the back pain was pretty bad. From then on I did not sleep well and I am feeling it today. I am tired but wired, my right heel hurts badly, and my back, head, and upper teeth hurt so bad I am tempted to take a Vicodin.

    My questions:
    1. Is this "normal" as in, my subconscious is throwing a tantrum?
    2. What do I do about it? Yesterday talking to my brain and telling myself it's psychological or meditating helped when pain tried to flare. Today not so much.
    3. Any suggestion for night time TMS? The pain flaring at night is not unusual for me as well as waking often starting around 1: 30 AM. Two weeks ago I slept 8 solid hours. It's the first time in many, many years that I slept 8 hours without taking Xanax (which I don't do often).
    4. If I wake at 1:30 AM I sometimes take kratom, which helps with sleep and pain. Am I setting myself up for a vicious cycle by doing this?

    And now to the journaling part of day 5.

    Think of some activities you really enjoy doing. If you could do one of these activities without feeling stressed out, without having anxiety, and without worrying about your family, kids, job, etc.

    This is hard because I feel so rough today it's hard to think of what I truly enjoy doing. And I also feel like I don't really know who I am anymore. I used to love being active, going hiking with my dog (many years ago). sitting by the pool, running, bike riding, kayaking, etc.

    How would that feel? I assume amazing.

    Why do you not do this activity more often? I just don't have much energy. I do push myself to work out, because I miss it, but it's not the same when you feel drained. Before TMS, I would aim to improve endurance, strength, etc., and that was hard or challenging rather, but overall I had tons of energy back then.

    Sitting by the pool is not enjoyable because I feel so uncomfortable in my body. If I could get a bit leaner and be in better shape, I would enjoy it more, but without exercising regularly that's difficult. And of course this is perfectionism, too.

    What steps could you take to do this activity stress free and without worrying about other things? I will continue to work through the SEP to regain my health, I am seeing Dr. Schubiner end of this month, and I can continue to go exercise as much as I can and be grateful that I AM able to get out and move, even if it's just a walk and not a run.

    Thank you,
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2017
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Kristina. I suspect your pain comes at night when you can't sleep because you may be worrying too much about it and it keeping you awake. Try deep breathing and telling yourself you will leave all worries until the morning. Visualize yoursef on vacation, on a warm, suny beach, about to take a nice nap. I think Dr. Schubiner will have some good suggestions to answer your questions.
  3. kkcarlton

    kkcarlton Peer Supporter

    Hi Walt,

    Thank you for your reply. Is it normal to have fluctuations in the beginning? Sometimes I can make the pain stop by talking to my brain or journaling and other times like right now, it's just relentless.
  4. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    TMS symptoms do fluctuate. The subconscious is working on the emotions you are discovering. Try to be patient and enjoy when you feel little or no pain, and keep telling yourself it's your repressed emotions and nothing structural causing the pain. It's great to know you are making such good progress.

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