Thanks to all of you. I have my life back! I'm not 100% pain free! but am able to accept it. But by having my life back and putting myself out there I see how hard I am on myself. I am now much more aware/mindful of how I bully myself, set expectations that are way to high....it doesn't really matter if they are met, then insecurity comes up, and the pressure to do everything correctly, to make everyone else happy/ok is just so much work/effort....and I "think" I have the " control" to make it happen or right. Right being what I think is right. I definitely have issues. I go back and forth wondering if I need a therapist. The thing is I get that it's like cutting your own hair, they may see more .....but my hair keeps growing. So today I am really insecure, I will cause myself back pain or a headache or some other DISTRACTION , but am going to try to not put so much PRESSURE on myself (good luck with that) and go out there into the world. One of the biggest things that has helped with my tms is the call in discussion group recordings. As I mentioned in another post I have been stalking these daily for months! I cannot thank all of you enough for the recordings. Forest, Herbie Bruce Becca Walt Njoy North Star , joy , there are new people on the recent recordings. I know I have forgotten someone please do not take it personally. I truly love all of you for you wisdom and help. Off to walk my dogs and listen to the recording Hugs to all MJ Also a special thanks to everyone that responded to my earlier post, or liked them , I get that I shouldn't require the approval, but I sure did like it!