Day 40 More Pain

Wow I can't believe I'm almost finished the SEP. I'm proud of myself but I'm not sure where to go from here.
My pain is actually worse right now and has been for about the last five days. I'm feeling like it will never go away. I understand everything on a logical level, and I really believe in everything, I DO, but I can't get my subconscious mind to listen to me. Ive read all the books, I'm exercising, doing relaxation techniques, but still the pain remains. I keep talking to myself : think psychological- the pain is NOT physical, but still nothing changes.......

 

Hi, Debra. I wish I had a magic wand to heal you, but the closet to it is TMS Penicillin.
Don't be discouraged. Stick with the SEP and if necessary go back over it, at least the parts
that you felt helped the most.

It's important to keep active and do at least some exercise.
I found some good exercise videos at Youtube.

And be sure to keep deep breathing and also laughing.

And hey, an Aspirin or Advil is okay, and so is a glass of red wine.

And don't spend more than an hour a day on TMS thinking or healing techniques.
Spend the rest of the time on distractions that make you feel good and relaxed.

I'm 84 and didn't want to do anything strenuous today but we're having a
spring snowstorm in the Chicago area and I live alone (except for my dog)
and needed to clear the walk to my front door. I just shoveled 4 inches of heavy wet snow
and more is coming. I don't feel pain, just a bit of discomfort. I feel good for having done it.

 

Hi Debra, I am sorry to hear you are in worse pain. I wanted to suggest you read your day 29 thread. Not to help you believe, I see that you do, but to remind your sub-c it lost its advantage. Pain that goes away shows it lost its edge, you're one up in the game now! Take care!

 

Thanks Walt and Lizzy
I couldn't have got this far without all the support on the forum and I really appreciate your thoughts and encouragement. Walt I'm trying to keep active. I got a DVD called walkout by Jane Fonda, it's twenty minutes and when you do it you're walking the equivalent of a mile and I've been doing that almost every day. It's very easy, and geared more to older people (I'm 60) and she's very inspiring. I may do the sep again or I may follow Dr sarnos instructions; he said read the treatment chapter everyday and journal/essay on your list of current stressors and childhood/ life traumas.
I'm reading a book called you are the placebo which talks about the power of meditation which was mentioned in Steves book. I'm not giving up thanks to you. I admire your mental strength and you really inspire me. I live just north of Toronto in Canada and thankfully almost all of our snow is gone. Thank you I hope I can think of you as a great new friend, so very helpful to so many people. Your dog looks cute in the picture.
Lizzy I had that wonderful one day pain free and I desperately want that permanently. I still remember how great it felt.
I'll carry on, and try to post more as it really encourages me to hang in there.
Hugs to you both
Debra

 

Hugs back Debra! I am inspired by your determination, you go girl! Its good we're here.
Lizzy

 

Hi DebraW,
I hope you saw this post
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/100-healed.7496/
It took this person a long time, but she made it...

Also, I wonder if you have considered coaching or counseling for support, if this would help? Does this question resonate with your inner guidance?

I hope you hang in there and keep at it. I see how committed you have been. It seems there is no shortage of steadfastness on your part.

Andy B.

 

Hi Debra,

Sorry to hear you are in so much pain.

Do you have an evidence sheet to remind you it is TMS? For me, that fact that I had one minute without pain was proof that it was TMS, because no other treatment had ever got rid of the pain.

So I would say to remind yourself that if it can happen on Day 29, it can happen anytime. It's hard to focus on the psychological when you are in pain, but every time I feel it, I ask myself, 'What am I annoyed about' and there is always something, however trivial.

Best of luck.

 

Hi Andy
Thanks for replying to my post. I did read the post you recommended and it certainly helped. I am very committed and I will never give up no matter how long it takes. I guess we all have our ups and downs when in the recovery period and my brain can't help wondering every day "how much longer to I have to endure this pain" I wake up in the morning and it's still there and I have a wave of disappointment run through me. I do major talking to myself before I fall asleep in hopes of reaching my subconscious mind. Ive tried being nice to it, and getting mad at it, it's almost like it's not even there.
I've thought about therapy. There are no TMS doctors anywhere near me. Just the everyday psychologists for lack of a better term. I'm not sure any of them would understand TMS. I did contact one of the TMS therapists and inquired about a session via Skype but it was $300 for a half hour and being retired and on a very fixed budget I just couldn't afford it. Maybe if I saved up for a long while I could do it if you think that would help me. As a beginner to TMS I've said before I take great trust in the TMS gurus and know your advice is very valuable. Thanks for your support.
Debra

 

Thanks very much for your support. The fact That I had one day without pain was very encouraging. I guess after that I thought the pain was on its way out and it came back in full force. It was a huge setback. Yes I'm sure I have lots of inner rage and maybe I just need to hang in there and not give up. It's very challenging.
Hugs
Debra

 

Hi again, Debra. Please do consider me a new friend. We all are who meet in the TMSWiki and post to each other.
Lizzy, Andy and Lazydaisy are right-on with their advice.

My dog Annie is adorable. Very gentle and loving. She's my third black Lab mix and the first two I had for
16 and a half years each. Annie just turned 13 and is starting to have arthritis and other problems, but still loves
to eat and play and be near me.

Increased pain often means your subconscious knows you are "on to" the repressed emotions causing your pain
and is stepping it up so you do more thinking and journaling about them. They probably go back to your youth,
as mine did. My parents divorced when I was 7 and I didn't realize how insecure that made me until I
learned about Dr. Sarno and TMS and journaled about it. I think my boyhood repressed emotions about my parents' divorce was triggered three years ago when some very close friends divorced. I had felt like I was part of their family, so it brought up
my long-held but repressed feelings of insecurity. Journaling helped me to discover that my parents and my friends
had their own TMS. It led me to forgiving my parents and better understanding my friends, which led to forgiving and
healing my severe back pain.

You will discover repressed emotions that will heal you. Just keep at it and believe totally that your pain is
caused by TMS.

 

Hi Walt
I am honoured to have you as my friend. You are so knowledgable and helpful with your advice. Your dog sounds sweet. I had two cats, one is a Persian, and the other a Himalayan but she died last year at 17. I had a Pekingese dog growing up and I think animals are wonderful and make us feel better. I know I have childhood issues, my sister was always favoured by far, and lots of other stuff too in my past. I'm pretty sure I'm having an inner battle with my ID it's incredibly stubborn and won't listen to anger or kindness. I'll keep journaling, and keep knowing that my pain is TMS!
Hugs
Debra

 

What a CUTE cat!!!!

So SORRY to hear of your current wave of pain. I would say try LISTENING to your subconscious mind instead of talking to it and trying to "get" it to listen to you. Do an exercise, some deep breaths and then see if you can HEAR it --what does the pain want to say to you? etc.

xo hang in there!

 

Hi and thanks for your support. I've tried some deep breathing, which is relaxing for sure but I don't really "hear"anything and the pain doesn't change. The pain just tells me it's winning and is controlling me.
Hugs
Debra

 

Debra,
if you*believe* the pain is winning, then it is. Tell it off, and journal. Ask yourself what spurred the flare up. Are you still fearful that you will never stop hurting? Where is your focus, the pain or your underlying emotions?

What timing I saw this thread. I was telling a yoga friend on Monday that although my pain hadn't really diminished, it wasn't worse since starting the program. Then yesterday happened.

My stubborn 10 year old has a habit of dropping into a turtle-like pose on the floor when she doesn't want to do something, and she did so yesterday morning to avoid school. When I tried to pull her up by her arms, she pulled back even more, and my SI joint cried uncle.

I am trying to do as you. It's hard to not be discouraged and get into old thought patterns. I am under enormous pressure I put on myself to start a new business, and am terrified to take the next step. A friend told me the day before the "turtle" incident we were going to face my fears about sales, and of course my back went the next day. Add to that the emotions I am still trying to release, though hesitantly, and all my mind needed were a few triggers.

Yes, I still hurt, A LOT. I might have stretched something, but I also know I've been struggling with emerging emotions about a lot of things.

Tell the Ego mind it has no businesss judging your progress, and carefully examine what may have intensified the pain. The "what ifs" might be nagging at you. Tell them to take a hike.

In the meantime, you can also be gentle on yourself. Remember that this is your subconscious mind at play to divert your attention away from the root issues.

Practice loving kindness and try this meditation. Find a quiet place to lay down, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. Deepen the inhalations and exhalations, and imagine the inhales streaming to the painful spot to release the muscles. On each exhale, imagine you are purging the tensions out of your body. Do the same with the thoughts and emotions "stuck" in your subconscious.Exhale with big sighs if that helps.

Hugs

 

Hi Debra! I know because I have been through it. When I used try and "hear" what the pain was saying what I used to hear was "ooooowwwww!" and nothing else. But believe me when I tell you there is emotion underneath that whiny voice. That is if you have a Mindbody disorder.

For me I have used Internal Family Systems therapy and that helped me get it touch with the "voice" of the pain and that there was a part of me that likes to hurt me on purpose to distract me from circumstances I cannot control, unanswered questions, and very deep anger at people from my past.

Has ANYTHING come up as you have journaled through the SEP? Have you had any moments of relief? Or clarity?

hugs back at ya
Lexy

 

Hi Shirley,
I feel close to you cause we're kindof in the same spot. I hope I can help you in some way and vice versa. I think you're getting through to your subconscious with more success than I am however. Yes right now the pain is winning. I keep telling my mind to stop it and I'm not putting up with this anymore and it's like there's nothing there to hear me.My focus seems to be definitely on the pain though I'm trying not to have it there. I'm really sorry about your pain and I know exactly what you're feeling. I'm journaling everyday. I have a list that's really long about past stressors and traumas etc. I never knew there were so many until I started making a list. I think my pain may have intensified because I'm trying to look after 2 elderly parents who are really going downhill. I think I'm thinking about my own mortality perhaps after just retiring last June. Though my pains been there a year and three months.
Steve Ozanich's book really helped me a lot. I hope you will get that and read it, his story is amazing. I will try the meditation you have suggested. Maybe that will help too.
Big hugs Shirley! You can get better too!

 

Hi lexylucy thanks so much for responding to my post. Yes I just hear the ooooowww I hurt so much from my body. I haven't heard of internal family systems therapy. Is this on the Internet somewhere? How has it helped you? I have done lots of journaling and have lots of past issues to resolve. I had one day pain free at day 29 when I was reading the great pain deception but then it came back a day later. Through journaling I've mostly learned how angry I am at some people for what they did to me but I'm not sure how to resolve those issues or even if I have to do that to get better.c
Hugs
Debra