day 4 what doctors told me

the beginning of my problem was when i was in a severe crisis and a doctor began to influence me that i need many medications for depression and anxiety. i believed him that i needed them and took them. more and more came. they made me into a zombie where I repressed and could not feel my emotions. The doctor told me I was uncapable of living with out them and that i was not capable of doing what i needed to do to be successful with my family or work. i sat for years like a vegetable. it was horrible. then i met someone who gave me hope. i stopped taking some of the medicine but the doctor got mad at me. some i still have to take some which makes me really angry although i am weaning myself off of them. when this started i started getting all sorts of weird symptoms in my body everywhere. the doctor would get angry at me as i have a medical background and i would find actual things wrong with me and would demand tests. they did not like that . One doctor told me i was crazy and was making everything up which made me really mad, as I did have things wrong with me ( not TMS- actual infections and immune deficiencies etc). However once i addressed those, i had severe pain all over my body. the MRIS were normal the primary doctor told i should just go to a pain doctor and get on narcotics and accept that for the rest of my life. i got very angry at that. I went to a back doctor who told me my back pain was from "mild arthritis" and i needed steroid injections. There is no way mild arthritis was causing the level of pain and i didn't believe him. He got angry at me to. Fortunately for me, i did not find time to get the injections due to family tragedy and randomly discovered about TMS. Now I firmly believe that TMS is causing all of my severe and weird pain that does not correspond to any medical findings. I am hopeful now. I do not like that doctors have told me I am crazy, that i need a bunch of drugs, and that my pain is from things that do not make any sense. I hope some reads this. I am very nervous about being public about my struggle and sharing this. I want to feel my emotions again and let them out and move on with my life.