Day 4, Questions & Doubt

[EAsprts26]

Hey Everyone,

I am still going strong on day four of the program. I have been researching all over this forum and other websites. I haven't taken any of my medication for 6 days now and I feel great about that.

Pre TMS diagnosis, L4/S1 herniated disc. Pain never changes or shifts, it is left butt cheek, side of left hamstrings, left calf.

Today I did get back into exercise though, I went for a run. I went very slow and not very far because I haven't run in quite some time so I didn't want to over do it (not just a TMS thing). My calf has been incredibly tight ever since, which I believe is normal for not running in a long time. The bad thing is my pain has been worse all day since the run. By worse I am comparing it to the past six days. That has sent me on a spiral of doubt and considering surgery again. I am think about how my pain never shifts or changes and worry I am not struggling with tms. I'm still planning to hold to my path, go back to ski patrol, keep running, continue the sep, just worried.

Anybody have similar stories of pain never changing or shifting? Specifically herniated lumbar disc with only leg pain and no back pain would be reassuring but not necessary. Thanks for everyone's help! I'm not near a tms doc but I'm considering traveling to see one.

-Eric

 

[EAsprts26]

Side note, I did find out through my struggle that some people don't have an L5 vertebrae including myself. It's not fused in with s1 by birth like some people, just not there! Of course my brain starts to think, hmmm I wonder if this has any correlation as well.

 

[KevinB]

Hey Eric,

Yes, I have had, and currently have again, the PRECISE symptoms. Mine generally begins (triggered) in a "strain" in lower back, but that pain generally goes away and what lingers is left buttock, down left leg, including calf and even foot sometimes. That is exactly what I had last time, along with MRI results showing herniations in the same area (normal abnormalities, there is no scientific evidence of correlation between disk abnormalities and pain), which stuck around until I found this site and went through the SEP. I finished the SEP this past July and I was 100% pain-free, up until 2 weeks ago when I had a "relapse", although not as bad, I think because I did a lot of work the first time around and am convinced that it is NOT structural. Anyhow, this time it's the same thing, just in those spots, not moving around, but it's TMS dude, for sure. They say if you are cleared of any tumor, cancer, or infection, and pain sticks around, it's TMS, irrespective of bulges and the like.

The fact that it "appears" to hurt more after the run is the fear, and conditioning, that goes along with TMS. My own conditioning is with walking, standing, and weight-lifting; these are "triggers" and are difficult to overcome, but possible. I'm doing the SEP for the second time because I clearly have some more introspective work to undertake.... I'm on Day 6. Just keep at it man, you will get better, but even better, you'll learn so much about yourself and how your mind operates. Don't do the surgery, they rarely solve anything, and Dr. Sarno says that those who do benefit are enjoying the placebo effect, and will almost certainly have recurrence of the pain.

Finally, I'll say that through the SEP you'll likely discover that you've suffered from other forms TMS in your life. To illustrate, just before my relapse I was suffering from some allergies and a bit of elbow pain, what you'd call "tennis elbow"; yet right when I "hurt" my back, the allergies and elbow pain vanished. You get the point? Further down the line you'll be prompted to write an evidence sheet that shows all the inconsistencies in our pain. For example, I can ride a bike for long distances, and hard and fast, with zero pain - how in HELL would that be possible if disk bulges were responsible for my pain? It just doesn't make sense. And there are many more inconsistencies, but I'll leave those gems for you to discover on your own.

Stay on course.

Kev

 

[Andy Bayliss]

I'm not near a tms doc but I'm considering traveling to see one.

I think this is smart! If your mind is always coming back to a "physical reason," at some point this is important action!

 

[EAsprts26]

Kevin, thank you so much for detailed reply. I really appreciate it and I got so excited reading your response. I'm staying the course and feel really good about where I'm at tonight. I'm definitely pushing through this, I can't wait to see what else the SEP has to offer.

Thanks also Andy for your reply, I've been doing some research and it'll be nice to have that option if need be.

 

[KevinB]

Kevin, thank you so much for detailed reply. I really appreciate it and I got so excited reading your response. I'm staying the course and feel really good about where I'm at tonight. I'm definitely pushing through this, I can't wait to see what else the SEP has to offer.

Thanks also Andy for your reply, I've been doing some research and it'll be nice to have that option if need be.

Hey yea, my pleasure. One last thing I'll add- last time, I had made an appointment with a TMS doc here in NYC, Dr Rashnaum I beleive, but the appointment was about a month and a half out. I too was struggling with the structural diagnosis stuff... But I also found that the appointment that far out was hindering me from progress, so one of the many significant steps toward recovery for me came when I called and cancelled that appointment. I continued with the SEP and my recovery really picked up. Just putting it out there. All the TMS doctors are pretty clear that if you've been cleared for physical therapy, meaning you don't have cancer, tumor, infection, or significant fracture, then you have TMS.

Good luck!!!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, guys. It's TMS. Doctors and medical tests may say we have a disc problem in our back or other structural problems, but they may very well give us pain because of TMS. Keep doing the SEP to find out the emotional causes.

Two years ago I felt fine, then had severe back pain. I learned about TMS and in SEP journaling realized that the pain came on because my closest friends were divorcing. That apparently triggered my long-repressed emotions when my parents divorced when I was seven. In journaling, I was able to forgive my parents when I realized they had their own TMS pains, and forgiving healed me.