Today I tried hard to let my thoughts come as they wanted to. I realized that I get stressed very easily and I like things to stay a certain way. I like routine and organization. So in some ways I am a perfectionist. Definitely one of the personality traits. I am also insecure and don't like being with big groups of people I don't know. I can very easily get rattled when things don't go as planned. I always have to be the strong one in my marriage due to my husbands illness. I can't depend on him for many things so I have to bury how I feel and take care of things. Who takes care of me? I have ALWAYS taken care of everyone else and now I need to focus on me so I can heal. I think I was actually able to control my pain level a bit today. I tried not to get too upset when I felt pain. I didn't work out or really do anything that is painful. I just needed a break after yesterday. I started reading Scott Brady's book and am finding it much easier to understand then Sarno's book. For the first time in a long time I really have hope that I can rid myself of this physical pain by REALLY getting in touch with my emotional pain.