Ok - first the assignment - what was the most disheartening information from a doctor about my back pain? It was hard to decide on one. Having a doctor tell me in my 20's that I would be in a wheelchair in 10 years was pretty bad, but I pretty much went into youthful denial on that one, and after the 10 years had passed didn't worry so much about it. I think the worst was when a doctor told me surgery might help, but there was a 50/50 chance that it would make it worse. I'm just glad he was that honest - I know other people who went ahead with surgery with the idea it might not help, but were not told it might be worse. I know someone who had 3 surgeries because of that. So I was disheartened, but I'm glad it steered me away from surgery. My first three days of this program were all about joy and excitement. I was lucky enough to be one of those who got immediate, startling relief from my back pain, and have just been celebrating. Today I had my first relapse, and it led to tears. Not because the back pain came back - I was feeling pretty good about the fact that I identified the source of my tension, and worked my way through the pain. But while posting about it, I got hit by some revelations that I did not expect. I wasn't aware of any repressed emotions and I thought maybe tension was the main cause of my TMS, but I had a little breakdown - correction, spiritual awakening (kudos to Brene Brown for that one), and now I realize my work has just begun. Part of me is saying, hey, the pain is better, do you really want to cry all the time? Leave it be (and I thought I had no repressed emotions). But as Walt posted to me (thanks, Walt) this is going to be a rewarding journey. I know that in my heart, although right now I want to go back to the joy part! Welcome to TMS, right? I started this thinking I'd just get rid of my back pain - but it looks like I've got an opportunity to lose some other baggage as well.