Day 32

This has been some journey...I had no idea of all the issues that I would be prompted to uncover. My back and leg pain started about 8 years ago. I did all the usual treatments with no success and then was introduced to Dr. Sarno's book and recovered quite quickly. The pain returned more than a year ago, and it has been more of a struggle which led me to finding this incredible structured recovery program as I was feeling desperate. I'm now at day 32. The pain is still there, but not constantly and it frequently shifts to other areas which reinforces my belief that it is TMS. When the pain is there, I have been exploring the underlying emotions that may be causing it. When I can't understand the cause, I have found that I am criticizing myself and judging myself not getting it right-- over analyzing myself and falling into negative thoughts that I must be a really messed up person. It's been hard to write about all of these sources of emotional pain and not fall into negative thoughts about myself. But today in journaling, I realized that this is likely hindering me from really recovering--- that my self esteem issues and tendency to judge and criticize myself further reinforce the emotional pain that has chosen to take residence in my body. So today, I am choosing to be more loving and kind with myself--- as one would be with a child that is hurting. When the pain arises, I will ask myself some questions to check in emotionally, but no longer beat myself up and fall into those negative thoughts. I'm just another spirit in this world having a human experience. Thanks for listening.

 

Hi, stephanie. I think you found the key to healing yourself. You did it before through TMS knowledge, but since then apparently have had some doubts about emotions causing your pain. You need to believe in TMS 100 percent. On the plus side, you have discovered that you have been very critical of yourself and need to change that perception into one more positive, that you are a good and kind person who deserves to be well. I'm going to look on YOutube now for some videos that are on self-esteem and suggest them to you in this email or the one following in a few minutes. Meanwhile, you sound like you're well on your way for the SEProgram to make you pain-free.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oc-B536E6MY

This is a good one, and there are others if you look up self-esteem videos on Youtube.

 

Thank you Walt for the encouragement, and I will certainly explore the YouTube video you suggested. I do feel like I am making some important connections and have faith that I am recovering.

 

Faith in TMS is what it takes to recover. I love Youtube videos... there are some on just about every kind of TMS symptom. These videos on relaxation are some of my favorites:

Guided Meditation for Detachment from Over-Thinking. Michael Sealey's voice is so soothing.
Guided Meditaton: A Gift From Your Guardian Spirit

 

Hi Stephenie I have been using a series of good meditations on self compassion by Dr Kristin Neff ...she has her own website and they are all downloadable free of charge...about 20 minutes long. Andy B also recommended a great book for self critics called Soul Without Shame: liberating your self from the judge within by Byron Brown. It's excellent...so you might find these helpful too. It sure is a journey...you're quite a bit further on it than me so travel well and thank you for sharing.

 

Hi Stephanie, I found your post inspiring, and think your insights are great. When I read somewhere in this programme the words
Be
Kind
To
Yourself
I knew they applied to me and realised how much trying-hard I was putting into healing. So now I often say the 4 words to myself and everything softens somehow - as when being with a child who is hurting - as you wisely said. We'll get there! Softly softly!

 

Hi, ladies. Being kinder to ourselves and being less judgmental are two excellent ways to feel happier and stronger and to heal pain. Being patient about healing is another. Make friends with your inner child by telling it you are grateful for it reminding you that you have emotional problems to deal with, but tell it to let you alone so you can discover them through journaling. Dr. Sarno says we don't have to solve those emotional problems, just recognize them and our subconscious will let go of the pain it sends because it wants us to do just that, discover our repressed emotions or that we are perfectionists or goodists and modify those harmful character traits.