giantsfan
Well known member
So one big current stressor that I am dealing with is allowing for my family and friends to see that I am doing much better and that there is nothing physically wrong with me. I haven't told anybody about TMS yet. My family is very judgmental and gossipy, and I fear that they'll judge me as a liar or fake about all my previous problems, or that I'm a looney and that I am nuts, or that they'll be angered with me.
I know I need to get across all of this. I need to just get back to life and stop pretending that there is something still wrong with me. Almost everyone that I know does not know that I am back to weightlifting, running, hiking, sitting and standing longer etc. Everyone has seen that I don't use a cane anymore, but I still walk slow in front of them so they won't think things like, "what the hell, how is such a rapid change possible?" I do tell them though that swimming, new medications and physical therapy are what's helping me. Note: I do not swim, take meds or do PT anymore; I haven't since I started the TMS journey. It's just an excuse I use so they won't stamp 'crazy' on my forehead.
So it's like I live a life of secrecy. It's exhausting both mentally and physically and my TMS therapist and I both believe that it could be holding me back from further progress. I think the goodist in me perpetuates the problem because I don't want anyone to be upset at me. The perfectionist is involved as well as I don't want people to think lesser of me. I originally had a plan to show to my friends and family that I was gradually getting better, but I am about to dump the whole plan. I guess right now I just have lots of fear of rejection (at least that's what my therapist says).
Always thinking about what others are thinking about me is not needed and is draining. I need to keep repeating this quote by Dr. Seuss to myself: "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I know I need to get across all of this. I need to just get back to life and stop pretending that there is something still wrong with me. Almost everyone that I know does not know that I am back to weightlifting, running, hiking, sitting and standing longer etc. Everyone has seen that I don't use a cane anymore, but I still walk slow in front of them so they won't think things like, "what the hell, how is such a rapid change possible?" I do tell them though that swimming, new medications and physical therapy are what's helping me. Note: I do not swim, take meds or do PT anymore; I haven't since I started the TMS journey. It's just an excuse I use so they won't stamp 'crazy' on my forehead.
So it's like I live a life of secrecy. It's exhausting both mentally and physically and my TMS therapist and I both believe that it could be holding me back from further progress. I think the goodist in me perpetuates the problem because I don't want anyone to be upset at me. The perfectionist is involved as well as I don't want people to think lesser of me. I originally had a plan to show to my friends and family that I was gradually getting better, but I am about to dump the whole plan. I guess right now I just have lots of fear of rejection (at least that's what my therapist says).
Always thinking about what others are thinking about me is not needed and is draining. I need to keep repeating this quote by Dr. Seuss to myself: "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
