Day 31 Current Stressor: unveiling TMS to friends and family

So one big current stressor that I am dealing with is allowing for my family and friends to see that I am doing much better and that there is nothing physically wrong with me. I haven't told anybody about TMS yet. My family is very judgmental and gossipy, and I fear that they'll judge me as a liar or fake about all my previous problems, or that I'm a looney and that I am nuts, or that they'll be angered with me.

I know I need to get across all of this. I need to just get back to life and stop pretending that there is something still wrong with me. Almost everyone that I know does not know that I am back to weightlifting, running, hiking, sitting and standing longer etc. Everyone has seen that I don't use a cane anymore, but I still walk slow in front of them so they won't think things like, "what the hell, how is such a rapid change possible?" I do tell them though that swimming, new medications and physical therapy are what's helping me. Note: I do not swim, take meds or do PT anymore; I haven't since I started the TMS journey. It's just an excuse I use so they won't stamp 'crazy' on my forehead.

So it's like I live a life of secrecy. It's exhausting both mentally and physically and my TMS therapist and I both believe that it could be holding me back from further progress. I think the goodist in me perpetuates the problem because I don't want anyone to be upset at me. The perfectionist is involved as well as I don't want people to think lesser of me. I originally had a plan to show to my friends and family that I was gradually getting better, but I am about to dump the whole plan. I guess right now I just have lots of fear of rejection (at least that's what my therapist says).

Always thinking about what others are thinking about me is not needed and is draining. I need to keep repeating this quote by Dr. Seuss to myself: "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

 

Thanks for posting this. You seem to be doing remarkable work in your recovery. Keep at it, and you'll recover. I'm glad you found a TMS therapist to work with you as I've been contemplating acquiring one as well.