Thaxter
New Member
Okay, I admit I feel a bit rushed today in reviewing the materials, but this is my own fault. I am deliberately distracting myself. But I enjoyed the article and am going to start my Past Traumatic Events and Experiences list tonight.
Physically I am doing better. Most of the pain appears to be migrating into my left hand of late, which is tingly from typing. I believe it was this hand that was originally injured from typing years ago. But it doesn't matter. Both hands are vulnerable because I have a lot of repressed anxiety about my job, which I started only four months ago. I am my only support, so I have to make it work. My hands symbolize my means of support. I'm not young any more, so I feel that this will be my last job until I retire -- if I can make it work.
There are so many things I am mourning, including the loss of freedom I felt when very young about work. I just didn't care if I worked or not, because after all, I had my whole life ahead of me. Now I feel that work is everything, that I am just lucky to have a job, and that I have to be successful. After what I went through last summer, I just want to settle into this job and make it work.
You'd think working from home would be great . . . but it's very isolating, as I live alone and have no family. So I am also dealing with depression on and off, and loneliness. I feel silly writing about all this here because I've always tried to avoid burdening anyone with my problems or my psychological trials. That scoffing has cost me some real problems with back pain and now, hand problems.
Anyway, good news is that even though today was not so great psychologically for me, physically I am better. I hope I can heal the emotional side of me which is causing the fear, tension, and anger that I habitually repress.
Physically I am doing better. Most of the pain appears to be migrating into my left hand of late, which is tingly from typing. I believe it was this hand that was originally injured from typing years ago. But it doesn't matter. Both hands are vulnerable because I have a lot of repressed anxiety about my job, which I started only four months ago. I am my only support, so I have to make it work. My hands symbolize my means of support. I'm not young any more, so I feel that this will be my last job until I retire -- if I can make it work.
There are so many things I am mourning, including the loss of freedom I felt when very young about work. I just didn't care if I worked or not, because after all, I had my whole life ahead of me. Now I feel that work is everything, that I am just lucky to have a job, and that I have to be successful. After what I went through last summer, I just want to settle into this job and make it work.
You'd think working from home would be great . . . but it's very isolating, as I live alone and have no family. So I am also dealing with depression on and off, and loneliness. I feel silly writing about all this here because I've always tried to avoid burdening anyone with my problems or my psychological trials. That scoffing has cost me some real problems with back pain and now, hand problems.
Anyway, good news is that even though today was not so great psychologically for me, physically I am better. I hope I can heal the emotional side of me which is causing the fear, tension, and anger that I habitually repress.
