Day 3

Okay, I admit I feel a bit rushed today in reviewing the materials, but this is my own fault. I am deliberately distracting myself. But I enjoyed the article and am going to start my Past Traumatic Events and Experiences list tonight.

Physically I am doing better. Most of the pain appears to be migrating into my left hand of late, which is tingly from typing. I believe it was this hand that was originally injured from typing years ago. But it doesn't matter. Both hands are vulnerable because I have a lot of repressed anxiety about my job, which I started only four months ago. I am my only support, so I have to make it work. My hands symbolize my means of support. I'm not young any more, so I feel that this will be my last job until I retire -- if I can make it work.

There are so many things I am mourning, including the loss of freedom I felt when very young about work. I just didn't care if I worked or not, because after all, I had my whole life ahead of me. Now I feel that work is everything, that I am just lucky to have a job, and that I have to be successful. After what I went through last summer, I just want to settle into this job and make it work.

You'd think working from home would be great . . . but it's very isolating, as I live alone and have no family. So I am also dealing with depression on and off, and loneliness. I feel silly writing about all this here because I've always tried to avoid burdening anyone with my problems or my psychological trials. That scoffing has cost me some real problems with back pain and now, hand problems.

Anyway, good news is that even though today was not so great psychologically for me, physically I am better. I hope I can heal the emotional side of me which is causing the fear, tension, and anger that I habitually repress.

 

Hi, Thaxter. I'm glad to see that your pain is going down. You are under job stress, but everyone I know is, too.

I also work at home, a self-employed freelance writer of books and articles, and have been for the past 40 years. I'm 85 now.
TMS helped me to get rid of severe back pain. Journaling led me to discover some boyhood anger and trauma.

I love working at home. I rarely get family or friends to visit, but I have my adorable dog.
I highly recommend you get a dog, preferably a shelter dog, old or a puppy. Dogs are fantastic faithful friends and companions.
They also get us to walk them which helps heal our pains.

Cats also can be great companions, although some are shy or skittish.

Besides pets, I recommend deep breathing and laughing any anxiety or pain away.

Happy Easter!

 

Hi Walt -- thanks for your kind words of encouragement! I do love cats and dogs both. I had a beatiful tuxedo cat that ran away at the age of 12 when he was boarded with a friend. That was a heartbreaking experience in 2013 and I haven't really had the heart to get another pet since then. Since the rents are so high in Seattle, if they sell the house in which I live, about which the landlords have made noise, I would then probably move back to the midwest to be nearer my family. As finding affordable rents here is pretty near impossible any more. Thus, having a pet is something I'm putting off until I have a stable living situation.

Ideally, I'd have a cat and a dog -- that would be the best of both worlds! My neighbor downstairs has two cats and one of them often visits me upstairs and thus I get to enjoy "pet sharing" a bit, which is wonderful. Oh, and the birds -- I have a bird feeder outside the window and I feed the birds and they love me as well.
Happy Easter!
Mary

 

Hi Thaxter. I share your love for cats and birds, although the two don't mix well!
Walt is right--a pet improves life immensely--but I understand your wanting to resolve your living situation first. In the meantime, your pet sharing and enjoying the birds at your feeder sounds like a happy compromise!

 

Thank you, Gigi, and Happy Easter! I do not have the cats -- my neighbor does. She is usually gone during the day, which is when the birds feed . . . and on the weekends, the birds stay clear while her cats are outside. I worry about it, of course, but there is a big growing family of birds in the trees near my house and some of them even seem to know and recognize me, which is kind of cool! I saw a woodpecker yesterday, and today I got pretty close to a hummingbird. We also have another big bird feeder in the back yard that the squirrels monopolize. Some summer, we will shut down the feeding, so the young birds can learn to feed on their own.