Day 3 Day 3

[browndogisinthehouse]

I do physiotherapy prescribed exercises everyday. I have not done them for the past one week because of an inflamed shoulder. The exercises are pretty simple. I used to do them in the gym also except now I do it with Theraband.
Both strengthening and stretching always make me feel better. In fact, not doing the exercises for the past one week has made me feel really low. I'm looking forward to restart in another 4 to 5 days.

To the list of past stressors: I have added the day I discovered my wife's infidelity and also realised the fact that I can do nothing about it . in fact she had transferred most of the money overseas so that it was out of the community property and we could not divide it in accordance with the law.

I have also added the intense pressure that I had to take during the teenage years to get to premium undergrad school with financial aid because I come from a disadvantaged background

I'm not sure what to do next for the stressors. It has been now 9 years since the infidelity and consequent separation happened. I do not even remember my ex's face. I do remember the emotion of anger followed by helplessness as I realised that I couldn't do anything. But it does not make me so much angry anymore. I tried explicitly and loudly telling myself that the episode is done and over with and whatever emotion, if any is there should be released


Is there anything else that people do?

 

[she333]

When you say releasing the emotion do you mean allowing yourself to feel it? Because sometimes if we don't just let ourselves be knowledge that they were upset or enraged about something then we might just be pushing it away. The other option is to take a mindfulness approach and just noticed that yes you feel this certain way and let yourself feel that way. The scary thing to us can be that we think we're going to be stuck feeling that way forever. But that's not what happens our brain is not going to just stay in that state constantly. She really betrayed you pretty badly. For my personal issues and trying to move forward, I like to acknowledge that sometimes the sorrow and grief from past losses are going to creep up and get me at times. Do you mind if I ask what you're feeling pressure about?

 

[browndogisinthehouse]

Thank you for your response. You probably would laugh at it but I really never understood what it means by allowing yourself to feel a particular feeling.

For example, the day I discovered the infidelity, I can recall the fact that I had an uncomfortable sensation in the stomach-a kind of a sinking feeling, and at the same time an urge to hit out which usually meant banging my fists against the wall and then injuring myself because the walls won't move

But now even though I can recall it, I do not feel the same in my head. I just remember the details. Nevertheless this is the 1st time I've written this out. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to do that. I would have probably describe this to a psychologist earlier but then it was done verbally in a counselling session variable not get the time to reread and reflect.

For the intense pressure, here is the context. I was born in a 3rd world country in a small town without any college. The only way to get education and a job was to apply for colleges where the acceptance rate was 1 in hundred. My mom had convinced me that if I could not get into that college, I would not get any job and I would not be able to financially support myself. That means I would be on the roads and won't be able to get food. It may sound very unreal and laughable now but for me at that point of time it was really convincing. In fact, once I got into the college I actually met other kids with similar issues. I had thought to myself that I would commit suicide if I did not get into college. Looking back, that was the 1st time I guess I became really insecure about survival. Similar situation happened again during marriage when I went nearly bankrupt. This time around, I'm going down the same pathbut now that it has happened multiple times, I just have a hope that I would survive somehow financially. But there are moments when I get really distressed especially while waking up in the morning and then have to distract myself out of it