Day 3

The last time I engaged in physical activity was in the swimming pool. The day after my face showed swallen on the left side. It made me feel I had to fix it. So I changed to another activity. I had to stop it in 15 days. The pain spread to all over my back, neck, head and face. It made me feel angry, very angry at the pain. I was ok! There is no right in taking my well being away!

I knew I would fill in the lists, but feel good for filling in the lists!!!!! I just couldn´t stop writing the lists of Past events I lived as traumatic. As for my personality characteristic, I will need some help here. I can be so many things differently. I can be loving and detached. I can be everything, but I need to write how I see or think of myself, right?
Now, the current events and stressors, a question, Is pain included?

 

Hi Fabi,
I just read your story, and how you got here. I am glad you're starting the SEP. Good luck, and you have been through hell. Like most of us.
Andy B

 

I choose to make this public and ask for support. Today l added my relationship with my mother as a past and current stressor. She visits my town regularly, though we don't always meet. She heard from my brother l was not ok,she is landing on Tuesday. She has severe anxiety and depression issues, with a psychopathic based personality. She comes to see how bad l am,to play pretend she can help, she can't have real feelings for anybody. I need to protect myself spending the least amount of energy. At the same time, l need to be compassionate for myself and my son who is helping me a lot. I know she will stay outside my house u til someone goes in or out. I feel trapped. I always escaped from her. I feel like vomiting around her. Should l ignore her once again?

 

I couldn't' find any related pots to my previous post

 

Hi Fabi,

You sound like you are under a lot of pressure right now. You might start by simply acknowledging this to yourself, with kindness.

Many people have posted about their stressful family relationships. Most feedback from TMS Forum folks is "separate; don't go (back) into relationships which are dis-functional."

I think you are right to stay away from her as best you can. The only one who cares is your Inner Critic. If you are clear that you don't want contact, then let her know.

Tell her you don't want her to visit. That can be expressed as right now. "Mom, right now I don't want you to visit."

Accepting intrusions into our lives fuels inner conflicts: I don't want her, vs I should let her, she's my mom. You don't owe her anything. Why do you want crazy in your life? If you are saying she waits to enter your house without permission, this is a police matter.

Compassion for ourselves takes being a fierce warrior sometimes!

Andy B

 

Andy,
I just couldn't sleep. I took your advice and texted her rightaway.

My inner critic can go to hell! I am in charge! Yet l need my compassion right now. No more pressure. No more guilt. No more goodism to try to be heard or taken into account.
I also need to accept she is ill and won't accept treatment,
l am proud of myself. I am strong. I can do what is OK for me. I respect myself, deeply. I am capable of being soft and fierce, you all are my witnesses.
May l be safe, may l live with ease, may l be free from suffering and filled with joy. So may you all

 

I am happy for you Fabi. You are all of those wonderful human capacities you mentioned. Feel them. Enjoy them. Defend them! This life is your Kingdom and you are the Good Queen!

 

Hi, fabi. You're really doing well and have the right philosophy and attitude for healing.

I like this recent quote from Jane Fonda.


Fonda says about the greatest thing of her life: “It’s called resilience. And it’s a very mysterious thing. (When she went to auditions as a young actress), “Half of the other actresses were far more beautiful than I, and the other half were far more talented, but none of those women made it. I’d wonder, Why did it happen for me and not for them? Now I think it had to do with that core resilience. I was born that way, and they just weren’t. On my bad days, I say to myself, ‘Fonda, you’re resilient, and you’ve never stopped trying to get better.’ That’s my mantra, and it’s saved me many, many times.”