Day 3 Day 3 homework.

Q:"When was the last time you exercised or did another physical activity? What was this activity? How did it make you feel physically and emotionally? If it is has been a while since you last exercised, why?"

I actually have been working out off and on the past couple of weeks, but not consistently. Maybe a handful of times. I've mostly been doing it to "PROVE" to myself that I am "able".

You see, since my pain has been around for 2 years, and now seems to be spreading to different parts of the body on and off, it made my anxiety SPIKE like crazy. To the point of a dark depression.

I kept thinking irrational thoughts, googling all my symptoms... which all lead to things like MS and ALS.

This does NOT help the mind. Matter of fact, it was REALLY hard for me to even write those 2 diseases down just now. The thought of having something like that scares me.

But, my Dr., even without doing any tests like an EMG or sending me to a neuro... has promised me he's 500% positive I don't have any of those diseases.

He's done reflex tests, strength tests etc. simple stuff, blood tests, and even an MRI on my lower back.

I'd think if I had one of these things, after 2 years I wouldnt be able to do pushups, lift weights, run etc.

I am able to do those things, just have been avoiding them a bit b/c I'm scared of making myself worse.

But after reading some of Healing Back Pain, I'm pushing myself to just DO IT.

Last night I went for my 1st run in a while, and you know what? I felt no pain. I kept telling myself, I AM ABLE. I AM HEALTHY. I AM FINE. THIS IS ALL ANXIETY AND TENSION STOPPING YOU FROM DOING THIS.

My newest symptom has been random weird hand pain, wrist pain, elbow pain... but the elbow pains are gone now, so are the random muscle pains in my upper forearms... but now it's a weird "thumb pad" pain. Like in the palm of my hand. When using a mouse or holding my phone, it feels a bit tight or its cramping or something.

Anyways, this tells me it's ALL TENSION related. IT HAS TO BE.

I have dealt with muscle twitching off and on since 2010. My Dr. has NEVER, and I mean NEVER been once concerned about it. I do notice I twitch more when I'm tense or when I'm having some anxiety issues going on.

Moving onto the 2nd question: So, how does the "Activities" make me feel? I guess they make me feel pretty good! They make me feel "able". Working out makes me have thoughts of "you could not do this if you had...(fill in the blank)".

But lately I've been in such a low, trying to grasp what's goin on with my body for so long, that my brain just feels kind of NUMB to a lot of feelings. I KNOW THIS WILL FADE EVENTUALLY! I HAVE FAITH.

And to answer the last question "If it is has been a while since you last exercised, why?".

Well, to be honest... I thought working out was making me worse. I don't think that's the case. You know, my Dr. keeps telling me information like "don't run anymore... just walk. Don't do pushups... but if you do, do only like 5 pushups... etc."

What does this do to someone at my age? I'm only 33 years old (young). This makes you feel like an 90 year old.

I will NOT tolerate that nonsense.

I am ABLE.

 

Hi, cnote. I'm 86 and nobody is going to convince me I'm old. I think you're doing great at 33 years young. It really is young. Do whatever exercise you can, and don't go to Dr. Google for your symptoms. It can make you think you have many that you don't have. Feed your mind positive thoughts... a mantra that tells you that you are already feeling better.

I like this mantra, from my best friend: "I can do this. It's a piece of cake!"

Dr. Sarno says pain moves around because our subconscious is starting to "get it," that we believe our pains are from repressed emotions. You are still early in the SEProgram. Keep at it and you will keep feeling better.

 

Thanks Walt! I posted in the subforum late last night. I was almost 100% positive all my symptoms were TMS. While, I believe SOME indeed ARE. Part of my brain keeps telling me "dude... you have an L4-5 broad based disc bulge... you still have a weakened bladder from it."

The truth is... is I do indeed have a weakened bladder. I have for 2 years now.

You see, 2 years ago, my first symptom of nerve pain was actually in my bladder. My bladder hurt SO incredibly bad. Felt like I had to urinate 24/7, non-stop. Also had leaking for a couple weeks. It then got better, but I have dealt with a weaker bladder ever since.

I used to be able to pee bark off a tree 2 years ago before this happened. Now I have to push really hard at the end of my urination. It doesnt bother me really, but its always a "reminder".

Part of me is STILL wanting to continue with the TMS homework. It can't hurt still.

Because, deep within, I still know that even if my bladder was weakened... even if the l4-5 is legit... I still believe IT CAN AND WILL HEAL. If I'm going to believe it will heal 100%.. I might as well use the TMS techniques a long in my journey.

I ran 2 miles yesterday. I got a minor kink feeling in my back... but told it to "shut up... go away", and I slept great last night and woke up in NO pain. Matter of fact, I'm feeling about 90% today.