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Day 3: a ray of hope

danielle

danielle

Peer Supporter
I am having a moment of progress today when I felt the truth of something Steve O said in a video on his website:

The main components causing TMS are perfectionism and niceness, combined with low self-esteem. Trying to appear as perfect and nice when we really don't want to is enraging, and generates a blinding fury inside of us that we repress to get through each day. And so we never feel it, never know about it, until it bursts through our bodies in the form of pain or unpleasant symptoms. The effect of pushing ourselves hard to maintain a false persona, trying to please all others, is totally infuriating. As this rage is continually internalized and reaches a certain threshold, it begins to express itself in some form of imbalance in our bodies, because rage is energy, and energy can't be destroyed; it only changes form.
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I have been having majorly severe neck spasms for the past week (way worse than 'usual'), and this is the first time it has even resembled relaxing a bit—once I realized a couple things I am really pissed about (relating exactly to this quote above) but it was inappropriate to show my feelings honestly in the situations.

So, nearing the end of day 3, and a ray of hope.
Still confused with lots of questions but really appreciating The Great Pain Deception and the program so far.
 
That's fantastic, Danielle! Glad to hear you're making progress.

I can really relate to Steve O's words too. My "lightbulb" moment to accept my TMS was picking up my rining phone to see it's my mum calling. Instant stabbing back pain! Ow.
 
Justina said:
That's fantastic, Danielle! Glad to hear you're making progress.

I can really relate to Steve O's words too. My "lightbulb" moment to accept my TMS was picking up my rining phone to see it's my mum calling. Instant stabbing back pain! Ow.
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Justina, I know what you mean! I LOVE LOVE when those moments are so clear—a situation clearly causes a symptom. But most of the time the pain just runs together so much that it's not that obvious. Looking forward to more clarity.
 
Well today's Q to ponder is about exercise.
Hmph. Exercise is definitely a weak link for me. I am so out of shape. I am not overweight, actually too skinny. I used to live on a farm and never had to 'exercise'. But now I live in town and find it so hard to force myself to 'work out' to get in shape. Plus being in pain almost all the time, I never want to start. But I think about it all the time, and how I'm messing up by not doing it, how another day goes by without doing it.

Actually when I have managed to do some exercise I usually feel much better, and start to feel better about myself from building muscle. But a lot of the time I lay around on my computer thinking about how i should exercise but how i am too tired and in too much pain. Major couch potato inertia. (hey, what's the new term for couch potato, now we just zone out on the computer instead of the TV)
 
Hi danielle:

So glad you're making all these wonderful connections. That is a brilliant quote you posted. It rang true for me too. And truth be told, "women" are supposed to be "nice" and not hurt anyone, be thin and perky, and well, you get it.....

Exercise: I personally love it. (I'm way too thin too) Do you have a nice place to walk? Our neighborhood is full of neighbors walking in the mornings. It's addicting! Give it a short go, nothing too much and see what you think after a week or so.

BG
 
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