Day 29 - Personality Trait?

[Leonor]

I really don't fit the description of goodiest or perfectionist. When I start something I do want to do it perfect but if I can't I don't mind. Since I was a small kid, I was the youngest of 5, I was on my own. I was expected to be independent and not bother anybody, which I did. I became early on very responsible and independent. I was always aware of not bothering people, not being a nuisance. My mother was done with mothering us when I was 4, she said that after 10 years of taking care of us is was her turn. She was there but more like a friend and did not bother much with mothering issues. My sisters kind of helped me because I could be very messy and they felt sorry for me. I started school at 4 years old and had to struggle through school and catch up with older kids. My Mom did not want me to wonder throughout my neighborhood (which I loved to do) so young. She did not expect me to pass, but I felt obliged to do it and I wanted to. I would say my strongest personality trait is to want to do everything alone, do as much as I can, never ask for help and not be a nuisance. I am not a goodiest, I don't let people take advantage of me and I have no problem saying no, so I can only think that because of my alone and independent attitude I am overwhelmed and my unconsciousness has avoided expressing rage towards the people that abandoned me or hurt me. I love my Mom and I have forgiven her, she has always been nice to me and I don't think she intended to hurt me, but I was only a kind and I deserved better.
That still leaves me with doubts. I don't see me fitting in the typical personality traits of Dr. Sarno's analysis.

 

[Leslie]

Madura you might want to check out the chapter on personality traits in Dr. Brady's book, 6 weeks to pain-free living. He had a much larger list of personality traits and gave a very indept description of each along with questions to ask yourself to determine whether or not the trait might fit. I found it very helpful. When I found this site I thought my primary problem was perfectionism (because it was the only one I could recognize in myself). When I read Dr. Brady's book I realized that my primary tms trait is actually fear-prone, followed by people-pleaser/goodist, with the perfectionist coming in 3rd. I've already conquered the perfectionist, but the other 2...still working on them!

 

[Leonor]

Hi Leslie, Thank you. I will take a look at that chapter. Luckily I do have the book.

 

[Lori]

of my alone and independent attitude I am overwhelmed and my unconsciousness has avoided expressing rage towards the people that abandoned me or hurt me. I love my Mom and I have forgiven her, she has always been nice to me and I don't think she intended to hurt me, but I was only a kind and I deserved better.

Hi, I see a lot of feelings here and I would be journaling about these feelings. Your adult self can forgive your mother, however, how did the 4 year old feel? the 10 year old? think about that and try to FEEL what you felt at that time. The feelings of you as a child are very important in your path to healing!

i think it would also be helpful to write feelings letters to those who hurt or abandoned you and unleash the feelings that are stored up in you. No need to send the letters--but writing them is very therapeutic!

 

[Leonor]

Hi Lori, I started doing it but for some reason I stopped and went to other issues. I am aware I have to go back and work deeper on them. Thank you for your input.