Day 26

[Avy]

I don't talk much with my parents and I have a very complicated relationship with my dad. My mother is the one who was always there and I was very close to her, but she got sick and ended up in a nursing home. I'm trying to visit her once a week and we talk occasionally on the phone, but it makes me so sad. My father is back in my life after a decade and it's really weird I must admit. We talked briefly today but he was in a hurry. Every time a phone rings (if it's him or my brother) my stomach twists and it stresses me out. I know a have a people pleasing personality trait from him since I always tried to do my best even though he was never satisfied so when I have to talk to him it probably triggers my discomfort. Don't know how to beat that way of thinking.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Avy. You're connecting with your parents pretty well, and I hope you will keep positive that it will get better. Your mother has her health worries and your father very likely has worries of his own. I never had any meaningful conversations with my parents.. both worked and were too busy and also had their own problems. I hope you have some friends you can talk to. If possible, get a dog. Dogs have given me such comfort and sometimes I talk to them. Dogs talk to us with their eyes and one of mine talked by saying "woo woo" a lot to me. If not a dog, maybe get a cat. They can be aloof or friendly.

Try not to over-do trying to please people. I tried to please my aged mother and it nearly drove me nuts. She just wanted, wanted, wanted, and I notice that a lot of elderly are so very self-consumed. Do what you can, but don't knock yourself out for anyone.

I like what Johnny Carson said about pleasing people: “I couldn’t care less what anybody says about me. I live my life, especially my personal life, strictly for myself… Whatever you do, you’re going to be criticized. I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don’t hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.”

 

[Avy]

Hi Walt!
I have some people to talk to, but not too many. I'm trying not to talk about my pain and TMS (mostly because they don't get it), but I'm doing better these days so I don't have much need (knock knock on wood ). I have a 5 year old dog and I adore him. Since I'm working from home and I'm alone most of the day he is a great company. It's unbelievable when sometimes I start to cry while journaling or meditating he starts jumping around me trying to help me. Love him a lot.

I dropped some fake friendships and also I'm not trying to please everyone all the time. The hardest is to reverse this with my family but I'm working on it.