1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
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Day 24

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Mermaid, Jan 14, 2016.

  1. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    I'm actually feel fine now, but I'm obviously keeping on with the SEP (insurance ! ;)). Day 24 addresses the people pleaser trait, my biggest TMS causing culprit. I've been working on this one the longest and I've had some surprising results. I have to force myself not to repeat old patterns, it's so easy to go on in autopilot and knock myself out for people, who often take it for granted. When I succeed I feel less resentment (rage), and I've actually been treated better by my family and appreciated more. They don't love me any less because my level of service has lowered.

    All my life my actions and choices have been based on my absolute terror of rejection, so I've enraged myself trying to please everyone but me. It's my time, now so no more insecurity.
    Lavender likes this.
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Mermaid. This is wonderful. It's one of the things most of us need to do, not knock ourselves out for others. It's great to know that you haven'tnoticed any less love because you have lowered your level of service.

    I work for a book publisher, writing and proofreading, who is a MONSTER. He demands perfectionism of me and others, but is far from perfect himself.
    I gave up trying to please him. I do a conscientious job but don't let him get me angry anymore.

    You are doing great. Keep up the SEProgram.

    I didn't win the big Powerball lottery, but am glad I didn't. I wouldn't know how to act above poverty level. haha
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2016
    Mermaid likes this.
  3. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Hi Walt,
    Your posts always make my day
  4. Toby2015

    Toby2015 Peer Supporter

    Hi mermaid,
    It's great to read your success especially so soon. Well done
    I too am like you, I feel an enormous amount of guilt when I haven't visited people in a while or I can't do something somebody has asked of me. I'll say yes when I really want to say no, all because I feel guilty if I don't.
    My partner pointed out the other day that the people I worry that I haven't visited don't visit me or call me so why do I get so upset about it. I know he has a point yet I carry on worrying anyway.
    Mermaid likes this.
  5. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Toby and Mermaid. I gave up feeling guilty about not visiting some family and friends because at 85 I no longer feel I have to be the one to make the visit. Very few of those I visited often visit me now. But it's okay. I think we visit each other in our minds, at least sometimes. Everyone is so busy these days, and the days go by so fast. Even my much younger family members and friends say days, weeks, months just fly by. My mother said our lives speed up as we age, but she said it is important always to stay as young mentally as we can. It was very good advice. Jack Benny said he always thought of himself as being 39, so mentally he never got older than that. He lived to be 80, twice what he thought himself being.
    Toby2015 and Mermaid like this.
  6. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the people I know who are hurting, people I could make cards for, visit, or take a meal to.
    These days, I do my best each day to lift someone up, whether that be a student at school, a fellow staff member, a family member, or a friend. Sometimes it's a smile or word of encouragement, sometimes, an email or a card etc. If I can manage to improve just one person's day, I count that as a success. I don't have to do it all. That's a very liberating concept!!
    Toby2015 likes this.
  7. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Gigi. You are doing one of life's best things for others... doing something to lift their day.

    I remember in my first job after high school, at an office, an older woman coworker told me that she noticed that when I spoke to anyone at their desk and then left to go to my desk, they always had a smile on their face.

    Years ago on an impulse, I phoned a woman I had not been in touch with for years, but knew she and her husband had divorced because of the death of their child and he blamed it on her being negligent. When I phoned her, in another city, she said she was very depressed before I called and that my phone call saved her life.
    Toby2015 likes this.
  8. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    Way to go, Walt! I always hope that the ripple effect--something like pay it forward--is at work. You never know how something small can indeed change someone's life.
    You are definitely a force for good, my friend.
  9. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Thank you, Gigi. My godmother and favorite aunt once told me, "Walt, you are too good for this world."
    I share that with you and others who believe in pay it forward. A wonderful movie, by the way.
    Toby2015 likes this.

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