Margot!!
Well known member
Saturday, I learned that I am going to be a GRANDMA! I am excited!
However, that evening the hip pain returned. The searing pain in my groin started when I had a moment to think about it. My daughter is the reason became the woman I am today. My daughter was the catalyst. I knew I had an awful childhood and I wanted her to have a better experience so I went to therapy to heal. Little did I know this would be a life long journey. Every time my daughter would turn an age that I had trauma at, anxiety would increase, I would get flash backs, have nighmares and return to therapy to work through it. My pregnancy with my daughter was tumultuous, her father is an alcholic and was emotionally and physically violent. I held on hoping he would change, clinging to the idea of a 2 parent household. When I had her, I stopped normalizing his drinking and tried to hold him accountable. My new way of being increased his drinking and made him more volitile. I finally left when my daughter was 6 mos old.
I was in survival mode as a single mother and never worked through that time and now, I am ready to be a grandma but my body needs to process that time in my life. The anger is deep. The fear and shame come up when I think of that time. The hip pain subsided and Ive got a bit of work to do before that perfect grand baby arrives.
However, that evening the hip pain returned. The searing pain in my groin started when I had a moment to think about it. My daughter is the reason became the woman I am today. My daughter was the catalyst. I knew I had an awful childhood and I wanted her to have a better experience so I went to therapy to heal. Little did I know this would be a life long journey. Every time my daughter would turn an age that I had trauma at, anxiety would increase, I would get flash backs, have nighmares and return to therapy to work through it. My pregnancy with my daughter was tumultuous, her father is an alcholic and was emotionally and physically violent. I held on hoping he would change, clinging to the idea of a 2 parent household. When I had her, I stopped normalizing his drinking and tried to hold him accountable. My new way of being increased his drinking and made him more volitile. I finally left when my daughter was 6 mos old.
I was in survival mode as a single mother and never worked through that time and now, I am ready to be a grandma but my body needs to process that time in my life. The anger is deep. The fear and shame come up when I think of that time. The hip pain subsided and Ive got a bit of work to do before that perfect grand baby arrives.
