Volcano1963
Peer Supporter
Day 20 PROMPT: if you could change one thing what steps would you take to do that?
I am returning to the SEP after a tramatic accident that crushed my ankle and wounded my shin. The experience (both the wounding and the subsequent healing) gave me an opportunity to look deeply at my ongoing question ¿How do I differentiate pain due to stiffness from a structual issue (such as creaky old bones and tissues that need to be woken up before they are fully functional) and when is pain due to TMS? In the process of my body healing, I’ve been able to distinguish some pains that are not TMS (that I thought might be) and those that are borderline remnants of TMS, i’ve discovered, these are induced partly from fear of transitions. So now, here i am back to the SEP, starting up again after a 10 week break (literally).
SEP Day 20: If I could change one thing (oh why just one thing? I want to change so many things, but that’s a trap leading to paralysis, right?) it would be: stop ruminating with regret all night staying awake with the lost opportunity now firmly in the past OR stop procrastinating->get rid of all the stuff my last 4 dead loved ones have left behind OR keep working with more diligence on the SEP, OR…). And the steps…, what would be the steps? Maybe my 1st step would be to recognize that I am continuing with the process I started with the SEP, 2nd step- give myself some kind of congratulatory encouragement; 3rd step -continue to have faith in the process because it has brought me huge insight and continues to help pull me out of pain and into more aliveness and willingness to be open to continued insight and healing. That’s the big lesson from the last 10 weeks, the body will heal if given rest and support to do so but it can be tricky because the mind is intimately involved in the healing (and subsequent protection to avoid the hurt that needs healing, what a loop!).
And, An odd thing happened to my big toe during the last 2 months, the edges of the toe nail began to curl inward (pincer toe nail).For the first few weeks i didn’t feel my big toe at all and didn’t notice it because there was lots of numbing anesthetic and probably the nerves were shot from both the crushing and the ankle surgery. I was also bed-ridden keeping my “toes above my nose” to control the swelling of my foot & ankle. After the 10 weeks when i started to feel again i notice the pincer toe nail and it hurt! The first doctor said it was caused by a fungus. The second doctor, a podiatrist i respect said no, the nail is growing that way because the pressure has changed on the foot and the nerves in my feet are giving my cerebral nerves different information and they in turn are sending different growth instructions. Wow, what a concrete view of the working between the two types of nerves, info from the body going to the brain and info from the brain going back down to the body. There was so much healing ot tisssues in my ankle and foot that my nails had supercharged growth. But the pressure sensors were out of whack because my toes weren’t where they usually are. So now I have even more awe for my body’s capability to communicate between interoception, perception, and physical response (in this case healing by growing more tissue). I can’t wait to see if the toe nail starts growing in the correct way now that the nerves are giving my brain the new information (hey brain, I’m part of the foot walking on the floor, grow the nails flat not curved like a claw).
I am returning to the SEP after a tramatic accident that crushed my ankle and wounded my shin. The experience (both the wounding and the subsequent healing) gave me an opportunity to look deeply at my ongoing question ¿How do I differentiate pain due to stiffness from a structual issue (such as creaky old bones and tissues that need to be woken up before they are fully functional) and when is pain due to TMS? In the process of my body healing, I’ve been able to distinguish some pains that are not TMS (that I thought might be) and those that are borderline remnants of TMS, i’ve discovered, these are induced partly from fear of transitions. So now, here i am back to the SEP, starting up again after a 10 week break (literally).
SEP Day 20: If I could change one thing (oh why just one thing? I want to change so many things, but that’s a trap leading to paralysis, right?) it would be: stop ruminating with regret all night staying awake with the lost opportunity now firmly in the past OR stop procrastinating->get rid of all the stuff my last 4 dead loved ones have left behind OR keep working with more diligence on the SEP, OR…). And the steps…, what would be the steps? Maybe my 1st step would be to recognize that I am continuing with the process I started with the SEP, 2nd step- give myself some kind of congratulatory encouragement; 3rd step -continue to have faith in the process because it has brought me huge insight and continues to help pull me out of pain and into more aliveness and willingness to be open to continued insight and healing. That’s the big lesson from the last 10 weeks, the body will heal if given rest and support to do so but it can be tricky because the mind is intimately involved in the healing (and subsequent protection to avoid the hurt that needs healing, what a loop!).
And, An odd thing happened to my big toe during the last 2 months, the edges of the toe nail began to curl inward (pincer toe nail).For the first few weeks i didn’t feel my big toe at all and didn’t notice it because there was lots of numbing anesthetic and probably the nerves were shot from both the crushing and the ankle surgery. I was also bed-ridden keeping my “toes above my nose” to control the swelling of my foot & ankle. After the 10 weeks when i started to feel again i notice the pincer toe nail and it hurt! The first doctor said it was caused by a fungus. The second doctor, a podiatrist i respect said no, the nail is growing that way because the pressure has changed on the foot and the nerves in my feet are giving my cerebral nerves different information and they in turn are sending different growth instructions. Wow, what a concrete view of the working between the two types of nerves, info from the body going to the brain and info from the brain going back down to the body. There was so much healing ot tisssues in my ankle and foot that my nails had supercharged growth. But the pressure sensors were out of whack because my toes weren’t where they usually are. So now I have even more awe for my body’s capability to communicate between interoception, perception, and physical response (in this case healing by growing more tissue). I can’t wait to see if the toe nail starts growing in the correct way now that the nerves are giving my brain the new information (hey brain, I’m part of the foot walking on the floor, grow the nails flat not curved like a claw).