Day 2 Day 2

[Guseman]

Reading Kim Ruby's article today was a great reinforcement for me to remember that TMS really is emotionally caused. It made me think back to a lot of the pain bouts I've had over the past several years. From 2009-2014 I was a PhD student in Biology, an incredibly stressful position that is full of chances to feel inferior. Through that time I dealt with plenty of IBS (usually how I recognize stress affecting me), but also had a couple 3-4 month periods of terrible back pain. One came on very suddenly, as I've seen described a lot here, and the other more gradually started as I was getting ready to defend my thesis. Also during this time I had a few bouts of dizziness and TMJ, as well as plantar fasciitis for several months. It all really seems to fit the pattern, but I never would have thought that most of those could be emotionally cause.
Of course, currently my symptoms are mostly anxiety, dizziness and heartburn/IBS, with lots of shifting aches and pains. I've had quite a bit of hypochondria over the past few months as well - thinking there was something wrong with my heart or my head or my ears. All of these have been shown not to be true at the doctor's office of course. But the article today reminded me that even though I really accept that these things are caused by emotions, I get hung up in the moment (when I have a bad dizzy spell or pain spurt) on thinking that I'll have a heart attack or that the doctors missed something. I think the "in the moment" acceptance is going to be the hardest part for me.

So! Three things that make me feel sad:
I am very sad to be away from my family and friends across the country.
I am sad to not have the work routine and friends of my previous job. The colleagues I used to talk to every day of the year are suddenly occasional email buddies.
I am sad that my dog seems so bored all of the time. It seems silly, but it just reinforces the fact that we haven't made friends in our new home yet.
Three things that make me feel angry:
I am angry that I have intense anxiety and other people seems to be able to deal with life changes just fine.
I am angry that I have trouble and/or am scared to talk about plant science with people, even though its what I do. I'm afraid they'll call me out.
I am angry that I've given so many years of my life to science and its taken me away from family.

Much harder to come up with the angry things. Had to dig a bit for these. I'm usually a very passive person.
Here's to healing!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

My dog just sleeps almost all day. But hey, it's one of the snowiest, coldest winters in Chicago history.
I won't let him out to freeze or get buried in the mountains of snow.

The list of things that make you angry are familiar to me. But I wonder if those we think are better handling their anxiety over life changes
really are. Or are they just repressing them. This can cause pain they may well hide from us.

I try not to compare my anxieties or pain with those of others. I just try to deal with my own.

I have to admit, I don't feel very sorry for Brian Williams. He forgot he's a journalist and that while it may help ratings to be entertaining or exciting,
the most important thing is to report the news accurately and honestly. I learned this when I was in journalism school at Michigan State University, then as a reporter for the City News Bureau of Chicago, and a reporter-editor for The Chicago Tribune.

Shakespeare said, "To thine own self be true." I also think that reporters need to remind themselves: "To the reporting be true."

I'd give him another chance. As one newsman said, Williams would be a better reporter and never make up anything.