Day 2. What make me feel anger and sadness?

Three things that make me feel angry are:

1. My mom, I hate her strong personality. She was always this way. When I was a child, she could raise voice to me when I did not listen, or she could spank me. I was afraid and loved her at the same time. I am angry at her, because she suppresses my personality and I become a person who hides an emotions. I remember when I was a child, she was angry and told me to go away. I went outside, I wanted to cry, but I could not, because people may look at me. I wandered on the street for hours, hours and did not wanted come back home. I imaging to myself that I would not come back at all. I wanted make her feel what I feel, lost and lonely. But because I was a child I come back to her. I am angry at myself, because I could not resist her, she has so much power even at age 60. I am writing about my mom, and I feel guilty about doing this…
   
   
2. I am angry at mom, because she can not forgive my friend who upset her. I hate that situation. I want to make them friends again, but my mom so stubborn. If she is mad at some one, she would not change this attitude. She thinks she always right!? So, I am not allowed to mention a name of my friend in front of my mom. If I do she would yell, slam a door…all kind of impulsive things which I hate it. But I am a good daughter I would not say anything…
   
   
3. I am angry at myself, for not being brave enough to open an art studio/classes for kids. And this is actually my DREAM. I am afraid that this kind of business would not bring enough money. For this reason, I do a graphic/web design, It gives a stable pay check. Deep of my heart I want to be who I am, just an artist.

I am writing these angry things, and I feel tightest in my chest. I really feel like my emotions stuck somewhere in my chest. I start tearing up…


Three things that make me feel sad are:

1. My daughter is growing and that makes me feel sad. She becomes more and more independent. We don’t do art projects, reading together anymore. I feel like I loose her. She becomes a preteen with her attitude which I don’t like it. What can I do? My child is growing and I should let it go…it is hard.
   
   
2. My husband is always busy with a job, I wish we spend more time together.
   
   
3. I don’t have enough time for myself and this makes me sad. I want to paint often but this is luxury for me. I put my family, kids in priority number one. Even weekends, It is everything about family and kids. I just need more time for my drawing and painting, this makes me really happy.

 

Hi Sashula,
I am reading your entries with interest. I appreciate your clarity and sincerity. You have a good understanding of yourself. I think it is fairly straightforward to connect this entry, your history to Dr. Sarno's work. Although most of us don't want to explore anger and sadness, part of us really appreciates being seen in our truth. As we see more, our own empathy and compassion are released.
Andy B