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Day 2 - tired and achy and need a good laugh

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by wendyd, Nov 24, 2014.

  1. wendyd

    wendyd Peer Supporter

    Had a really bad day today. Told myself my brain was doing double time because it knows I'm on to it. Here is my assignment:

    Three things that make me feel angry are:

    1. Angry that I have so much responsibility that isn’t shared. Everything is basically on my shoulders. I take care of the house, finances, meals, clean. I know I have taken it on myself and don’t say anything about it because I want to feel independent and that I can do it all. But deep down I really resent that I do so much and, as Sarno states, on some level, I really want someone to take care of me!

    2. Angry that my parents are now my responsibility. They moved closer to be near me, so on one hand I am thankful they are close and I can spend time with them and be here to help when they need me. But, the inner voice me is embarrassed and guilty at my feelings of resentment that now I have this added responsibility on top of everything else. It’s one more thing on my list and no matter what I do, it never feels like it is enough. And as their health declines, it will get harder and bigger.

    3. Angry about work situations that are out of my control. In a recent move, I no longer have my own office but am in an ‘open air’ environment. I can’t close a door for privacy. People interrupt any time they want and make noise without thinking how they might be impacting anyone else. Lots of passive aggressive behaviors going on and the ‘good me’ just sucks it in and doesn’t want to make waves. The inner me wants to scream and yell and have a temper tantrum. Also angry about superior who just retired. Most condescending, arrogant, passive aggressive nasty bitch I never want to see again. (ok...that did feel good to say).

    Three things that make me feel sad are:

    1. My daughter moving away from the area. Sad that I can’t see her any time I want. Sad that she’s going to get married and have kids and I’m going to be a long-distance grandma. Sad that when I do want to visit, it’s a production. Sad that when they visit, it’s a production.

    2. Sad that my parents are getting older and won’t be around much longer. Same with me, for that matter

    3. Sad that someone I loved very much died last year at too young an age and due to circumstances I couldn’t see him or speak with him or have closure before he died. I miss him a lot and have lots of unresolved feelings that just are.

    And now, I will stop obsessing about this (which is what I've been doing) and look for something that will make me laugh for a while. I do agree that laughter is the best medicine. Hope I laugh so hard I pee.
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I hated an"open environment" when I worked at a big insurance company.
    I needed to concentrate, editing a magazine, but was 12 inches away from the next person and
    heard all his phone calls. It was just impossible. I used to escape to vacant small offices to do my work.

    You do have a heavy plateful of obligations. Hope you can relieve some of the load,
    or if not, find more time for yourself.

    For laughing, maybe look for stuff on YouTube.

    Old movies and tv shows are funnier than the new ones.
    Look them up by names... Sid Caesar, Carole Burnett, Jackie Gleason, etc.
  3. wendyd

    wendyd Peer Supporter

    Thanks, Walt. I watched comedian Jim Gaffigan and laughed hard last night. Weird sense of humor, but that suits me. I had a hard time this morning, but after watching the Accepting the Diagnosis video this morning, I had moments today where it did feel better. That video was fantastic and I will re-watch it later. I'm getting so much from this forum already. Thank you. (By the way, I have a black lab and a black lab mix...just saw your lab in the photo!)

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