Day 1 /Day 2 - LET'S DO THIS!

[Layne]

HELLO! Yesterday was actually Day 1, but I hadn't been accepted into the forum yet so here I am on Day 2! I am, however, planning to follow the directions as closely as possible so here is what I wrote for Day 1:

At first I thought that I was CONVINCED that I believed in the TMS diagnosis and while intellectually I KNOW that TMS is the cause of my concerns, while watching the 20/20 segment I felt a slight bit of resistance to the idea that I could be causing this. Even though my spiritual beliefs are such that I believe we all individually create our own realities, some part of me, however small, still is resistant to the idea for whatever reason. I still have doubts that ALL of my symptoms can be cleared up using this program though I am hopeful. And worries? They are my specialty! I worry that I will never overcome these obstacles and feel stuck forever. I am young and I have so much living to do, but I feel so limited and trapped by all of this.
I am super pumped to get this show on the road. I'm done living in fear and limitation.

Day 2 reading reaction: Reading about how the pain may return and/or just move around seems daunting. It makes me not even want to begin. I have experienced the symptoms moving around and I worry that they will just do so again. (As I type this, my stomach has started churning. Hmmmm!) I enjoyed reading the article and have a mixture of hope and hesitation.

Thanks for reading!

 

[Leslie]

Hi Layne
Welcome to the forum! I'm certain you will find much support and many good suggestions here, I know I have. I can completely relate to your feelings. Your post mimics many of my own thoughts and feelings about the TMS and the pain. I was completely convinced the pain would be gone when I finished reading Dr Sarno's The Mindbody Prescription. Every time I turned a page I was certain the missing link or "gem" that would make it all go away was just a page away. Then there were no more pages to turn and the pain wasn't gone.

I too felt the "why bother" sneak in. I expressed that very thought to my husband and I'm going to share with you his words of wisdom: What's the worse that could happen, it doesn't help? Those results are guaranteed if you don't try it. What have you got to loose at this point?

I encourage you to focus on being "pumped to get this show on the road...done living in fear and limitation". I know I was very encouraged and energized just reading those words from you! Thank You!

 

[Layne]

Thank you for the encouraging reply, Leslie! Something I realized today... I don't think I have completely accepted the "diagnosis" because I haven't read many stories that are like mine... I mean, essentially they are but I haven't read about anyone with IBS, chronic fatigue, anxiety, etc... It's all pain stories. While IBS comes with some pain, I guess I feel like it's still different?

 

[Leslie]

I think it's reasonable and quite normal to question a diagnosis that doesn't appear as a perfect "fit" at first. I'm also wondering (not prying, just trying to gather info to be as helpful as I can) whether your TMS diagnosis has come from a physician or is a self-diagnosis? I think we may be conditioned to give more weight to a diagnosis that comes from an "expert". I know this is true for myself. This past October my pain increased dramatically with no apparent cause. My chiropractor remembered the same thing had happened the previous year and wondered if there may have been an emotional trauma around that time at some point in my life. Willing to consider anything, I started researching the possibility of an emotional component to physical pain which brought me to TMS and this site. Currently I am self-diagnosed and am not pain-free. Seriously lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem, I suspect some part of my subconscious needs the doctor to actually say the words. After all, I have not gone to medical school and certainly am not an expert. Fortunately my doctor is great, has agreed to read The Mindbody Prescription and research the condition in hopes of confirming the diagnosis.

I think its possible you find more stories about physical pain because that ends up being the "straw that broke the camel's back" for many. Personally, I have suffered from tension headaches since I was a child. I was diagnosed years ago with severe clinical depression and anxiety. I've had migraines, digestive issues, and many, many days where opening my eyes took all the energy my body had for the day. Some of those issues I was able to "manage" (not well mind you) on my own, some I had help with, but ultimately they were all "managed". I think that's why my mind added the physical pain, the others were not serving as enough distraction. Trying to "manage" the severe pain in my neck and shoulder completely changed and consumed my existence - mind mission accomplished.

As you learn more about TMS and the other users of this site I think you will likely find that the physical pain is just one component for many of us. Maybe it would help you to feel less different to think of it this way: our brains may not be generating pain in the same location, but all are generating some sort of pain somewhere and we all want it to stop.

 

[Forest]

Hi Layne,
Have you seen http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Irritable_Bowel_Syndrome_(IBS) yet. More and more people are starting to get IBS. It is sort of turning into the new back pain. For a unique perspective on it, check out Dr. David Clarke's book, They Can't Find Anything Wrong. Dr. Clarke is a gastroentologist and has extensive experience treating people with IBS and similar conditions.

It is perfectly normal to have doubts when you start out. You have a notion of what is causing your symptoms and now you are reading that all of these ideas that you have a structural problem are simply incorrect. This takes time to absorb, hence why gaining information is so important. There is a terrific Q&A response by Alan Gordon about this issue in the thread Is it TMS or a real structural issue.

I too felt the "why bother" sneak in. I expressed that very thought to my husband and I'm going to share with you his words of wisdom: What's the worse that could happen, it doesn't help? Those results are guaranteed if you don't try it. What have you got to loose at this point?

This was exactly how I felt when I first started out. I spent so much time, money, and energy on failed treatment attempts that I one day I thought, there is nothing really for me to loose at this point. Nothing else has worked, so perhaps I should try something different. Of course our hesitation to doing the TMS approach is simply our ego and our fear of thinking psychologically.

I also found that a lot of my hesitations and doubts about the TMS approach was due to my past treatment failures. When you try approach after approach, treatment after treatment, and nothing works, you begin to feel like you will never get better. Everytime you start something new, you view it as something else that will fail. The difference between TMS and every other treatment approach you have tried is that this approach is the only one that address the true cause of your symptoms. That is why it works, and why it is so transformative.

 

[Layne]

Leslie! Yes! I am self diagnosed - I have been experiencing "flare ups" for something like 13 years now and just about a year or two ago I had an endoscopy/colonoscopy that was negative, save for a bit of gastritis in my stomach, so I felt comfortable making the diagnosis on my own. The more I dig into my past and how certain episodes coincide with certain experiences the more confident I become in the diagnosis. AND the more I forget about it, the less it happens. So, I'm pretty sure I am correct. But there is still that part of me that, as you (sort of) said, that longs for an "official" diagnosis - even though I don't really trust western medicine for much other than emergency situations.

You sound like me. I have a history of depression and anxiety. My childhood was not great and in fact, I would say that I was in some unhealthy relationship or another until two years ago. It wasn't until about 3-4 years ago that I began exploring my innerworkings. I have always been introspective but never to such a depth. I believe this whole journey was prompted by a very traumatic violent assault. At least when I was a teenager I raged every once and a while and "took the edge" off the "repressed emotions pressure cooker." When you become an adult, however, certain behavior is looked down upon, so I stuffed it instead!

Do you believe that depression and anxiety serve as TMS as well? I have always said that anxiety is something unconscious trying to come to the surface. I have been obsessed with finding a solution ever since I started exploring this issue.

And what a cool Doctor! I would never have had that from my doctor! My naturopath is much more open but I still don't think she would be open to this.

Forest - thank you so much for the links! The IBS page doesn't have anything on it but the Q&A was awesome! SO SO helpful! The parts about intellectually understanding things but subconsciously having a block still really resonated with me. I have little trouble researching and understanding things on an intellectual level but it does seem as though my subconscious is putting up a bit of a fight. Today I was playing around with telling myself that the cause of my stomach upset was just tension and lo and behold - it worked! Even worked on a headache! I think more days like today where I actually put into practice some of the skills are what's going to do it for me. Now, to apply it to the fatigue...

"Everytime you start something new, you view it as something else that will fail" Oh boy does that resonate! You should see how many half completed art projects, half sewed things, half completed stories, etc... that I have! Seems to be a theme in my life and obviously pervades many aspects of my life.

You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for the support. I am so grateful.

xoxo