Day 2 - Eye opening moment

[leslie0766]

The things we hide from ourselves. I realized this morning that I have not really cried for 10 years. There has been plenty to cry about, but as a mother I never wanted my daughter to see my pain. What a disservice I have done to both of us. My mother died when my daughter was nearly 3 and I felt so guilty for leaving town to go to the funeral. I made it a quick trip so as not to disrupt anything and she never saw me cry over the loss. Frankly, my alcoholic mother and I were never close which I am sure contributed alot. I felt so guilty leaving town and almost didn't go.

I have not shown any of my heart ache. Two years ago a cat that I loved very much had to be put to sleep. I found her in an awful state at about 6 in the morning. I was so stressed as I didn't want my daughter to see the bad shape our cat was in, and I wanted to get home fast to explain it to her in the best way to reduce her pain. I took my poor cat in, they put her to sleep and I rushed home as to not delay my husbands leaving for work and to figure out how I could tell our daughter. I loved this cat deeply, but cried very little and only in private. I did not want my daughter to see the pain. Wow! This has been very eye opening. I have gone to great lengths to neither allow myself to feel pain or my daughter.

For months I watched her deteriorate from cancer, and wanted to cry all the time as I loved that cat so much. I have just stuffed so many things deep down inside. Not going to do that anymore! Pain is part of life and we all have to feel it and express it.

Thanks for letting me share my realization.

 

[Gigi]

Hi Leslie.
I can identify with you wanting to protect your daughter from pain. What parent doesn't want to do that at some level? But I found that when I showed my hurt, it helped my daughter learn to be compassionate. Plus it allowed her to comfort me--a bit of a role reversal that she enjoyed. Even very young children know about hurt, and can learn to empathize.

On a humorous note, I'm reminded from a line from my favorite movie--The Princess Bride. Wesley says, "Life is pain, Princess! Whoever says otherwise is selling something!" It always makes me laugh.

Good for you for having the courage to tackle this, Leslie. Yay for insight--and for you!

 

[leslie0766]

Thanks Gigi! From all the "stuffing" I have done, it is amazing that I'm not bed ridden. I'm starting to see my mind as very humorous.

Your insight is helpful. The Princess Bride is a funny movie...have not seen it in a long time. Will have to go back and watch.

Wondering if the urge to overeat is a TMS thing. Are our brains sending the signal to eat compulsively so we can avoid feeling? I'm thinkin' so. Intersting.

Have a great day!

 

[Gigi]

Funny you should make that connection, Leslie! I was 26 when I discovered that I was severely sugar intolerant. I looked at my husband and said, "Kill me now!" I was noted for my baking!
I actually went to Overeaters Anonymous meetings (OA) for years, and found them very helpful. One thing I learned was "Don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired." because the HALT triggers lead many people to overeat.
And yes, you are SO right, that we eat to numb ourselves to the feelings. TMS is definitely linkted to overeating.

 

[leslie0766]

I have a degree in counseling strangely enough...none of us are exempt it would seem. I am great at looking into other people's stuff, but apparently like to ignore my own. Have been overeating a great deal, packing on the pounds and now kind of see the urge to eat as a compulsion. Mac and Cheese sitting by me at the computer right now...guess I'll go throw it away and have some water.

 

[Gigi]

I would guess that being a counselor keeps you focused on others and their pain. It's always harder to look within.
If you're working through the SEP, keep working at it. There's a lot of good material there. And I have found it helpful to read all sorts of books about TMS/MBS: Fred Amir, Steve Ozanich, Tara Branch...you already may be familiar with some of these.There's a page on this wiki that can direct you to all sorts of resources. And if you think you'd like to try an OA meeting, look for one in your area.
I have to say that within a month of finishing the SEP I was pain-free--the excruciating foot pain, the migraines, the back and shoulder pain--all of it. I know that this works.
Blessings on your journey!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Ladies, these exchanges of postings are great. Touching on a lot of great TMS subjects.
Leslie, I don't think you should feel guilt about going to your mother's funeral although it meant being away from your daughter and not
being able to show your grief. And maybe you would be doing your kids favors by showing grief and drying in front of them. Not too much,
but once in a while when they can see it's needed, to get the emotion up and onto the surface.

I cried like a baby when I had to leave my darling dog Max (looked just like my black Lab Annie in the photo here). I cried in my car (I was 73 at the time, now 83) and then cried all the way driving home from the vet to my house. Then I got another dog and poured all my love of Max into Annie. Annie is 11 now and boy do we love each other! She had been abandoned as a puppy and I got her from a shelter.

And Gigi, your mention of the scene from THE PRINCESS BRIDE is a perfect example of TMS in pop culture. I hope you and others will visit Steve Ozanich's posting yesterday about starting to collect such examples for a new TMSWiki/forum section. It could be a really great one.

 

[leslie0766]

Walt, thanks for the thoughts. I am learning so much already. Love the photo with your dog. Funny, I have this yearning lately to get a yellow lab. Feel that the walking of a dog will do alot for my peace of mind. Animals give so unselfishly and you don't have to hide anything from them. Trying to get my husband to buy into the idea. We have a cat so he's not 100 % in favor of it.

This certainly is a process isn't it? Seems sort of beautiful the way God designed it. This is a very spiritual path for me it would seem. I feel as though I am unlocking this secret God put within all of us for happiness and that I am doing the work I should have been doing all along.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I share your thoughts/feelings that our TMS journey is strongly leading us to a closer walk with God.
Learning it at any age is a blessing.

Do get that golden Lab. My Annie is a black Lab mix, my third such breed in 40 years. They have given me
total joy every day.

I found a few photos to share with you and everyone. An airedale in a yoga pose, and an a nest of golden retrievers.

 

[leslie0766]

Awesome. My neighbor has an Airedale that we love. So sweet and gentle. Will have to really work the issue with my husband and the dog. If he knows it will make me more peaceful he may go for it. Thanks for the photos. They made me smile!

 

[Anne Walker]

Leslie, just now saw this thread. I have noticed a connection between the TMS and eating. I have known for a few years that I am an emotional eater. Unfortunately, this did not help me much in controlling my evening/nighttime eating habits. I would do great all day long pretty effortlessly, and then at night I would end up overeating no matter what tricks I tried. Then as I started working on the TMS and learning how to sit with my emotions, in particular not running from the panic and anxiety, the evening eating has really subsided. I took the 21 day meditation challenge and in yesterdays material Depak Chopra was talking about emotional eating and outlined steps which were very similar to sitting with your emotions. I realized I had pretty much followed the steps while working on my TMS and improved my emotional eating habits without even thinking about it. I still have a lot of weight to loose but this is a great first step for me. I am struggling with craving a few drinks(wine) in the early evening when I first get home.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Barbra Streisand has TMS pain. She's okay making movies but has stage fright anxiety performing live. To relax, she eats.
Her limousine contains a virtual delicatessen for her to snack on. Poor girl needs to learn about TMS. Judy Garland had a
lifelong eating problem from emotional eating caused by her stresses. Learn more (TMS), eat less. Looks like you're learning that. But I don't think
there is anything wrong in a glass or two of wine. Red wine is supposed to be especially goof for the hear.t I know it's good
for relaxing. Have a great day, Annie. I love your posts that share how things are going.

Maybe take a look at the recent posts on TMS and Pop Culture. Some good stuff there.