theiaone
New Member
3 things that make me angry:
When people who have hurt you can’t acknowledge the role they played
My dad's anger issues, and yelling
The patriarchal structure of my childhood home
3 Things that make me sad:
That I never learned to love myself (it’s not too late)
Feelings of inadequacy, Not feeling good enough
Feeling that I missed out on a childhood
Past Traumatic Events and Experiences:
Until this weekend (I went for a tiny jog!) the last time I did cardio was swimming before the pandemic (2019). This was a very positive experience for me, perhaps because I thought of swimming as a very low-impact, safe activity for me to do with my pain. Swimming put me in such a peaceful trance. I will definitely return to it when it’s safe (pandemic-wise) to do so.
Jogging is still something I fear– I am afraid of injuring myself. During these past 6 years of chronic pain, I’ve come to see my body as fragile. Sometimes when I feel myself getting tense, I run and jump around my apartment to remind myself my body is strong, and to break the cycle of pain/anxiety thoughts. It helps!
When people who have hurt you can’t acknowledge the role they played
My dad's anger issues, and yelling
The patriarchal structure of my childhood home
3 Things that make me sad:
That I never learned to love myself (it’s not too late)
Feelings of inadequacy, Not feeling good enough
Feeling that I missed out on a childhood
Past Traumatic Events and Experiences:
- A gay couple kissed on tv– my dad said “ew” and changed the channel. (Age ~7? 8?)
- A class bully called me gay in 3rd grade. I didn’t know what it meant, but I knew that it was something I should be ashamed of (Age 9)
- My dad encouraged me to keep my hobbies to myself, for fear I would be made fun of at school (Age 10)
Until this weekend (I went for a tiny jog!) the last time I did cardio was swimming before the pandemic (2019). This was a very positive experience for me, perhaps because I thought of swimming as a very low-impact, safe activity for me to do with my pain. Swimming put me in such a peaceful trance. I will definitely return to it when it’s safe (pandemic-wise) to do so.
Jogging is still something I fear– I am afraid of injuring myself. During these past 6 years of chronic pain, I’ve come to see my body as fragile. Sometimes when I feel myself getting tense, I run and jump around my apartment to remind myself my body is strong, and to break the cycle of pain/anxiety thoughts. It helps!
