sybilla)- My personality traits of being a goodist and perfectionist make me feel hopeless and wrong and I feel as if I am betraying myself all the time. I feel I always have to do good things for others to make up for that I am basically a bad person. Whatever I do is never quite good enough. Sometimes in conversations with others I notice that I say things just to please the other person in order to get approval. I often do things for my husband in order not to be critisised which I hate because it hurts. Afterwards I feel like a fake and sad that I am so approval seeking at my age. I think other people can see through me and know when whatever I say does not come from my heart and they won't respect me.
Eric)- Hello , nice to know your here. I know you are trying to get a handle on all the things Goodist traits set us up for, the good news is your with
a whole forum of goodist.
Were all trying to understand why do I always feel like I have to get so much done, and how will they do if I don't do it for them-
or I know I didn't do that good enough.
Its all in how you look at it, you really have a powerful personality trait and it makes sure you keep everything in between the lines.
It helps us to be recognized by other folks that need a shoulder to lean on ya know.
Sometimes the problem is that shoulder gets tired and we try even harder till we wind up in pain or with anxiety.
The cure well you know its Getting your joy back, hum - so how is that done? One day at a time, practice doing things just for you for a while.
I mean just a little at a time take some me time and just relax, take a walk in nature and enjoy the sounds of the birds.
Notice the sunshine as it hits your skin and enjoy all the energy that comes from that warmth.
Go and do something that you've been wanting to do but you haven't done in a long time. Something that makes you feel like a kid again,
and when you do, smile as wide as the summer sky ok. Lighten up on yourself, through letting go of tension we can defeat
tension through meditations and acceptance. I say acceptance in the fact that you'll
accept for a day that you can get outside your comfort zone
and you'll thank me for it. See we've become conditioned to be like we are, so we have to expose our self to a relationship with life once again.
And when we do we will start to heal in many, many ways.
Bless you
sybilla)- My perfectionisme keeps pushing me around all day. I am having problems concentrating on one task as I am always thinking of the next thing that needs to be done. My inner bully is never satisfied and there is always that nagging feeling that I should do better.
I realise that all of this stems from my parents never showing approval and me always feeling wrong somehow. I know I have to love myself but this will take a long time to turn around.
Eric)- You can learn to take back control of this perfectionist trait quicker than you think. You can first learn to do one thing at a time on purpose. And when you do
Feel good for yourself that you are going to finish this one thing- see I used to be this same way and it was driving me silly so I read a book
by a Pavlovian Psychologist. His name was Dr. fink- out of the whole book I got 1 thing down for sure- that my will to do lots of things at once was driving me
in the wrong direction. So the next day I got out my time management book and went with it, even though I didn't read the usual 40 books a day. The 1 book I did read was taken with such happiness that I started to apply this to everything id do. Now it has creped back in at times and I always think of going back to that 1 thing at a time rule-
At the end of the day, you'll see- it'll be a great feeling.
sybilla)- Anything that makes me proud since starting the program?
I am in a better place than one year ago and I have gained insight in many things. On rare days I
manage to show my feelings without being angry or sad. I stay calm and manage to think "I don't care what you think of me. It is going to be the way I want it" without feeling selfish. This is great progress for me. I wish there were more days when I could just drop being a people pleaser but at least I am aware of when I am doing it
Eric)- This is a very good move sybilla, your making progress and that counts.
I would suggest Njoys Parts mailing list when you get a chance.
And I want to add that Clare Weekes is also a very special help when in need
of some help for the anxiety.
Also we can learn to say no to the inner bully or self critic ya know.
Check out Alan Gordon's Program when you get a chance ok-
Its the
Tms recovery program ok at the top of the page. Although id say take your time though
Don't let that thinking say hey we need to learn all this now. No , tell it in time I will pick
out more tools for my belt so when the time comes I will be back in total control with all the smiles and hugs I can get and give
And on top of that - whose in control now - its you . Take all of this 1 srep at a time and don't rush, slow down on purpose
and enjoy the ride. Do all those things that have always put hope in your heart.
Life will fall back into balance when you fully accept that you fully deserve to happy with all that you do
Bless you
