A couple of thoughts today. A very good online friend of mine in her 30's is really obsessed with her mother. Her mother loves her but is much more independent of her. She's very needy - so am I, hence our friendship I think. But I don't have this needy relationship for my independent mother anymore. I get that she's got her life, I was never a real priority. She IS much better to me now that my stepf is gone. I mean it's like night and day, but I give her her space, I don't need her, plus I have a DH that completely totally loves me so much. And I'm glad I have him. My friend too has someone in her life, her fiance who loves her so much in spite of all the issues, but she really has serious serious TMS, and it's almost painful to see how much she's doing to herself with this mother thing. Which makes me think, how many of us with super-painful, or horrible tms, say PF/Fibro/stomach issues/etc have a pretty bad relationship with our mothers? There there is a correlation between unconditional mother's love and a mother who is not "there" for us, therefore we're in pain, physically, emotionally? Like TMS is a physical manifestation of our pain from not having a loving, dedicated mother? These are painful thoughts, I am just throwing them out there. This probably doesn't apply to everyone but maybe some of us are in pain, literally, from a f*cked up mother that just never met our needs? My mother used to tell me "You're too needy" all the time. And I heard it from various men that I had been involved with till I met my husband. Now I don't feel so needy all the time of anyone or anything, he's there for me all the time and I feel so much better about life and things in life. Makes a big difference.